Advice needed. in the start of the next part... Autumn 2014.
- Sept. 26, 2014, 2:33 a.m.
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- Public
Teachers and parents. Tally has been asked to run in a cross country tournament for her school. This sounds like fabulous news unless you know my daughter. She’s gone into foetal mode. She can’t bear the stress of not knowing what will happen, of not knowing if she will win or not. She has already decided, in a negative way, that someone will run much faster than her because she doesn’t know them.
Getting her to her climbing lesson was tough and she loves climbing but this worry is all encompassing so nothing else is registering.
I phoned the school and have left a message to say that I would like to talk to one of the teachers who will be accompanying them to be able to make things clearer.
As a parent how should I approach this with the teacher and with tally herself?
She’s a bloody fast runner but is terrified of losing!
Deleted user ⋅ September 26, 2014
I see you have a lot of good advice already so I am just going to say I wish you both luck !!!
thesunnyabyss ⋅ September 26, 2014
I hope she goes and I hope she does well,
but having said that, learning to lose is a good skill to have, especially if learning to lose lets you do things you may be afraid to fail at, not all of us are so good at it,
good luck!
blackpropaganda ⋅ September 26, 2014
It is for the school, who have selected her, to give her the confidence to take part - irrespective of the result - it will not be a level playing field because kids are at different stages of growth and experience. This is about two things - getting experience of a)taking part in a team - and learning how to do your best!
Food Master ⋅ September 29, 2014
Okay, the child shrink is coming out... you can ignore this if you want to. She sounds like a perfectionist with high anxiety and low self confidence. Try using reality markers with her. What I mean is ask her, what would happen if someone was faster? Would she die? No one has been known to die from not being in 1st place. Ask her what the very worst thing would be if she didn't win or what it would be if she DID win? Who would know if she had given it her best effort that matters? She would know, you would know and who else needs to know? There will always be someone who will challenge her to be better. It is up to her to step up and accept the challenge. Ask her what would have happened if Walt Disney had been afraid to draw, or Lewis Carrol had not written stories for children because he thought someone else could write better? Tell her about Dr. Suess and how long it took him to get published before anyone believed his books/stories were good. I am sure you can think of a thousand of examples that are more relevant. The point is, everyone is afraid of something, but only winners are willing to try and if they don't win, they keep on trying which is what makes them winners. They tried. How she feels about herself is the most important thing she needs to know. Children who are perfectionist need to learn that failure, even if it's just a small thing, the world is not going to crash in around them and using reality to point out the flaws in their thinking tends to make more sense to them. Let me know how it goes.
ermentrude Food Master ⋅ September 29, 2014
I often use the 'what's the worst thing that could happen?' Scenario with her but I like the comparisons with people she will have heard of. Roald Dahl also couldn't get published because his stories were considered too macabre. It was only when his daughter brought a school friend home for a sleepover and the friend relayed to her publisher father of the wonderful stories he told, that anyone considered publishing his work.
Food Master ermentrude ⋅ September 30, 2014
As I was driving into campus this morning I was thinking about you. There was a saying, I don't recall where it cam from, but it was something like this, "True courage comes from facing your fears. The wolf is only made bigger by your fear. If you look fear in the eye, you will see, in reality it is only a pup." I may have the wording wrong but you get what I'm going for. Then I thought of all the runners in the Olympics and how many of them had to lose race after race before they began to win. Just being in the Olympics makes them all WINNERS even if they didn't get a medal. How many people can say they did that? HUGS to you. I know it's difficult having a child with anxiety. My daughter still has moments. A few back I gave her a wall plaque that simply said, "Just Jump!" She keeps it on her wall - where ever she ends up.
The Tranquil Loon ⋅ September 30, 2014
you know sometimes you have to do what is least expected and tell her if she doesn't reign it in she won't be running the race at all. --I know that's not your style but it often works. I'm sure she will do fab.
Deleted user ⋅ September 30, 2014
Sounds like she needs counselling, maybe even a sports psychologist would be a good one.