Seems that sometimes I find myself in a quiet and melancholy state late at night - moments where you just seem to sit and reflect in a semi-sad manner. But, I don’t think I am sad. Definitely tired of being frustrated, however.
Sad fact is people are just tough and thoroughly stupid - we all are. At times we can be doing the greatest of things and be the greatest of people. Then, at times we are horrible and self-destructive. People love to jeopardize; people love to push to the edges of reason. I guess that is because we all succumb to the general lack of understanding that comes with existing. Some people think they can find the answers by falling into things - sort of the method approach, I suppose. And its a tired and lonely thing to watch everyone you knew fall into addiction, seduction, and madness.
There isn’t any real hope to be found in those sorts of people. You’ll always find your mind trying to grasp onto the way things used to be - either situations will end badly or else you’ll find yourself falling into one hopelessly in search of a reason why someone you used to know isn’t there anymore. No, change isn’t always good. Though, I wonder if maybe that is a sign that you don’t need to be near these sorts anymore - and perhaps that is why I’m so lonely nowadays. Because I accept change and because I understand why things need to get better. So much fear surrounds humanity though and I’m feeling very neglectful towards myself when it comes to staying strong through the mess of it. I have to hold in there and work towards my goals - my music, my art, my wife and our life together. But at what point am I allowing myself to be held back by my own awareness and letting everything just get to me?
I always loved the world and its mystery but… I’d love to be able to trust again.
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