Self Worth BOQ #15 Saturday, October 19, 2013
"What's love got to do with it when you don't love yourself?" - Kendrick Lamar
At one point this evening I was ashamed of myself. Embarrassed even. You see I texted Ashley. A bit emotional. Not too sappy though. I basically said that I still love and care for her. I said that I do not want us to become bitter strangers. I still wanted to be her friend. She was having none of it. She does not want me around anymore. There is no room in her life for me. Its as if I never existed to her. I indeed cried. It was hard to take for me.
I am not ashamed though. Because after a few minutes of self pity a deep surge of strength welled up within me. I have self-worth. I am rather proud of myself. A few years ago I would have maybe gone into a deep depression over this woman. But I am maturing and growing as a person. I have found self-worth and various outlets to deal with my emotions. Now I have no regrets. It feels great. I told her how I feel and while I did not exactly get the response I was hoping for I am not completely broken up about it. I feel good.
I'm downloading a few movies right now. The Internship with Owen Wilson and Vince Vaugn. And the new wolverine. Not sure the spelling of his name is correct. My plan is to do my push ups and curls. Shower and then watch one or both of the movies.
I work tomorrow 2:30-10. Ashley works tomorrow as well. It might be awkward but oh well. I'm good.
I haven't been keeping track of my sports. Damn. I'm off Sunday though! I get to watch the Titans play. Or at least watch some NFL.
Listening to Kendrick in the background soothes my weary head.
Looking forward to a relaxing night. I'm gonna be ok. :)
Number 15.
Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?
Really good question. As I think on it my answer surprises me.
The person I admire most is myself. Arrogant, yes. But a few years ago I hated myself. Now I believe that I am great. Everybody should! My whole life in all my sports I never believed in myself. I had all the natural ability. I just had too much self-doubt. Too nervous and unconfident. This is why I love rap music. Rap music oozes confidence and how awesome you are basically.
I have been through a lot. I am proud of myself. As I look back I realize I could have went down a much darker path. I am proud of where I am. Others may be better off than me. But some of those better off than me are sad sad people. I would rather be poor and happy than rich and sad.
On a side not another person I admire is my sister Amanda.
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