And I’ve been off in the real world. It’s been a pretty crazy few months. Things have been going well though, even in the crazy. Seems like things are finally starting to almost come together all at the same time, but of course, as is my curse, not entirely.
Did go to Germany, work had a party on a boat, my friends are still bat shit crazy, went to a few house parties with varying success, creeping up on my birthday and thanks to my lack of sleep, it looks like I’m going to Vegas. Apparently I have also lost all grammar skills with my absence. Lets see if I can break them back in on a story from a few weeks ago.
So, my friend V, who lives about a hour away from SF, calls me up on a Friday night around 7pm, “heeey. So…” she smiles into the phone, “I have a boyfriend now. And we’re coming to SF, you wanna go do something?”
I know this means she wants me to check out the new boy and give him the stamp of approval, but I am in no mood to leave my house. “Come on over if you want,” I tell her and then arrange to text her my address so she doesn’t get herself lost. She doesn’t come out this way very often as it is.
A hour later V calls back, “I don’t have a boyfriend anymore.”
“Uhh, wasn’t he in the car with you?”
“Not anymore.”
“Oh,” I couldn’t help but snicker to myself, “where did you kick him out then?”
“Oh I didn’t,” she snarks back at me and then starts to lose it, “he jumped out of the car at a stoplight after he broke up with me because we were near his drug dealer’s house.”
“Oooookaaay,” I sigh. “Just come over here and it’ll be ok. I’ll go get you booze and cigs even. Where are you?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Did you get over the bridge at least?”
V sighs and confirms she did in fact get over the bridge and after much prying, I figure out she’s downtown some where. That’s a mere 15 minutes from my house. I tell her this, calm her down some more, and then tell her to come over.
A hour later she calls back, “I don’t know where I am.”
“What do you mean you don’t know where you are?”
“I can’t move my car and use my phone at the same time right now, it’s a long story,” that I never got. “All I know is that I smell salt water-” and then her phone dropped.
20 minutes later she calls back again, “I’m at 40th Ave & Fulton.”
wut.
“Whhaa…” I stall in disbelief as I’m pulling up Google Maps to confirm that I’m pretty sure I know what she just said. And sure enough, as soon as I look at the map I see that she managed to go clear across town, sideways ways, and now is in the most upper north-western corner of the city. I confirm that her phone is still acting up, so I tell her to get out a pen and starting writing directions down. The directions to get back go something like make three rights, go down two blocks, take a left, then a right, and then a U-turn on 20th ave, and that’s as far as she could handle writing. She tells me she will call back from 20th, and then hangs up.
A hour later she calls back. “I don’t know where I am.”
With a heavy sigh I reply, “what do you mean you don’t know where you are.”
“No seriously,” V is telling me while I can still hear this smile on her face, “I have no idea where I could be. I went over some bridge, there wasn’t a toll, now I’m looking out at the ocean, it’s really pretty by the way.”
So I go back to the prying game and figure out she’s managed to cross the city length wise and now is in the city to the south of SF, in some unincorporated open space. Believe it or not, this is an improvement! All V has to do is get on the north bound freeway, and I am a mere 3 directions from it. After a quick sum up, I tell her to get on the freeway, give her the directions since her phone is still fucked up, and tell her she is once again a mere 15 minutes from my house. She says ok, she’s leaving, and then we hang up.
A hour later I text her- where are you?
She replies- ooooooooo pretty. I translate this out of V-speak to I haven’t moved from the spot you left me at because it’s pretty, and new, but I could be moving soon now that you’ve prodded me.
40 minutes later she texts back- ok ok, I’m going
20 minutes after that I get another text. This one rattles off city streets in SF that are NO WHERE NEAR the freeway. I text back simply saying that she’s suppose to be on the freeway. Her reply is, “oh, I’m following my GPS.”
wut.
Finally she makes it to my house. It’s well into 3am. I open my front door and find V standing there with some random dude. There has been no mention of this random dude through this entire ordeal. I look at the dude, I look at V, and she knows I’m waiting for some sort of story on who this guy is and why he’s with her (and certainly why this jack-off couldn’t have made himself useful at any point along the way), but no story gets told. Now that they have arrived, it’s also non-stop “us” and “we” talk, when on the whole ride over it had only been me and I.
So they hang out for a hour, smoke some cigs, have a single drink, and shoot the shit like this is any ol’ normal hang out night. V also is sure to say that they were coming back to SF tomorrow to do his birthday, and I should, “totally come along and party.” As much as I like a good party, or night on the town, I can’t say I was really digging the idea of doing this all over again tomorrow. Not that it mattered since I didn’t hear from them after they left my house after 4am.
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