I’ve been attending a genderqueer discussion group for about a year now and have made some great friends there. About a month ago I announced to the group that I no longer identify as genderqueer. They all seemed happy for me figuring out my identity, and I continued to attend the group because I enjoy the friendships I have there.
Last week after the group was over I was having just a casual conversation with the person who is the group leader and they just mentioned that maybe I should find a group for trans-men instead. (I’m using the word “they” because that’s the pronoun this person prefers.) I responded that it was a good idea, but I also enjoyed the genderqueer group. Then they told me that the genderqueer group was really only for genderqueer people. I was a little surprised at what I was hearing. I asked if they were telling me I am not welcome at the group.
They backtracked a little, telling me that technically everyone is welcome, but they just feel that the group functions better if the members are all genderqueer. I told them I was disappointed, but out of respect to how they felt I would stop attending.
I’ve been a little upset about this since then. Yes, I understand my gender identity is male, but I have really enjoyed the support and friendship of this group and I would like to maintain that. I really don’t want to join a group of trans-men, all people I don’t know, even if I identify the same as they do. It’s weird to feel discriminated against by a group of people who are trying to end discrimination.
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