"Better than I should be allowed to feel" in A new beginning

Got through another week at the dungeon. A lot of drama has been going down as usual. If only lithium manager would just leave already. She legit crazy. Like makes Cybil look completely sane. She has more personalities than anyone knows how to deal with. A few days ago she was going around to everyone in the clinic asking if they were certified in anything. I guess she is trying to cover her ass and make the people that aren’t certified take courses. I am one of those people. I took classes over 10 years ago and never renewed my certifications so I will be taking an online course apparently so that I can “put in orders and give orders” whatever the hell that means. Think it’s her way of being able to legally justify us doing the things we do in the clinic. So now I have to take this online course in I don’t even know what and am not sure if they are having me take it during work hours or at home. If it’s at home I don’t see that happening with Lilly around. Even during work hours I don’t see how I will be able to do that. But whatever, will look good on my resume I suppose.

I was taking this patient back to a room the other day and this dude looked straight up like a serial killer. He was sooo creepy. I asked him how he was doing and he replied in a creepy monotone voice “Better than I should be allowed to feel”. I’m assuming he meant that he just murdered someone and shouldn’t be allowed to feel so good considering. I was talking to a coworker about the best excuses we have been told by patients on why they need a refill on their pain meds sooner and I think she beat me. She had a guy tell her, “Well I was outside smoking a cigarette and was also taking a piss and the bottle fell out and all the pills fell on the ground and I pissed on them all!” I always like it when patients get creative and change it up instead of using the ole’ “I knocked my pills into the toilet” routine. One woman said she dropped them in the litter box and another told me that she left her script on the table and it wasn’t there anymore so she thinks the wind must have blown it away. Love our patients.

So I had an ultrasound on my gallbladder a few days ago. My gastroenterologist called and told me it showed a polyp on my gallbladder but no stones. I looked it up and apparently only 5% of people get those on their gallbladder and it is rare for young people and women to get them too. Weird. Depending on the size, the bigger means cancer. I don’t think the one they found was that big because she didn’t seem very concerned about it but I am still having a very hard time eating and am down to 111 lbs now so she was like “yeah I need to see you in the office next week before I order anymore tests”. I’m hoping it’s just as simple as I need my gallbladder taken out or something. My coworker said they did 3 ultrasounds that all came back normal but then she had a HIDA scan and it finally showed how enlarged it was and that she had stones so she had it removed and felt better after that. I know everyone is different but I’m hoping that is the same case as me because it really sucks not being able to eat and literally feeling like you are dying all the time. I’ve had several coworkers come up to me last week ask me if I was okay and that they were concerned about the weight I have lost. I hadn’t even said a word to these people about what I am going through so obviously I don’t look good. So I have an appointment with her next Thursday and I walked right into lithium manager’s office and told her that I needed this appointment and have to go to it to figure out what is going on. Didn’t give her a chance to turn me down. Her policy is usually you have to give a THIRTY DAY notice for all doctor’s appointments but hell no am I waiting that long when there can be something seriously wrong. I am also anxious to get this all figured out so I can finally schedule my right wrist surgery. It is getting worse every day. Soo annoying.

On a positive note, Lilly’s birthday is coming up! I am so excited. We rented this awesome playroom that she loves to go to for it so it will be a lot of fun for the kids. Having a ToyStory themed birthday party....because who doesn’t love ToyStory?

This is the front of her invitation.

We got her a talking Woody and Jessie doll as well as Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, a bullseye stuffed animal and a bunch of other things. My mom is getting her a powerwheels car. Totally not spoiled or anything. haha. She is actually very grateful though of all her toys and plays with every single toy she has and is generous too. We took her to this playplace/arcade that is kind of like Chuckie Cheese’s a couple weeks ago and this little obnoxious boy was following us around saying things like we were wasting all of our tokens on certain games and kept yelling out that it was his birthday. He asked us for a token and we didn’t really react but Lilly had a cup of tokens and gave him one and she goes “Here you go!” The kid didn’t even say thanks or look grateful but I was proud of her anyway. No idea where that kid’s parents were. He was wandering around alone the whole time. It is sooo loud in there and in the most ghetto, shady mall so anyone could have coerced him out with the kind of personality he had. People around here are more concerned with getting drunk and doing drugs anyway so they probably wouldn’t have cared.

Well, I was dumb and decided to eat something even though it was very small and now I am very nauseous so I’m going to end this now. Thank God it’s a three day weekend.