Freedom in Going public

I’m having a week of freedom off work! My company switched to an ‘unlimited’ vacation model, and I want to make sure I don’t become one of those people who doesn’t take days off because I don’t have a set amount of vacation days.

Speaking of work, I have exciting news! I learned last week that I’m being promoted to Senior Software Engineer. This is a huge deal to me because I’ve been through so much work-wise. I mean, two years ago I had an upper manager tell me (while I was crying) that I didn’t measure up and that I should consider a different career. I’ve gone through so many health challenges the last ~6 years I’ve been at this company, between my tonsils/throat stuff, and mental health/ ADHD. It feels good to finally be in a stable, healthy place in my life, and in a good team at work, and to be succeeding at work.

I feel so grateful to everyone who believed in me, and helped me along the way. The promotion goes into effect Dec 1 - I can’t wait to make that update on LinkedIn! The other great thing about this promotion is that I’m finally at a ‘terminal’ level. Each level I’ve been at previously is an ‘up or out’ level. If you aren’t progressing upward and working toward a promotion, people start asking questions. But now the level I’ve reached is one where the company is happy for me to stay at for the rest of my career if I wanted.

Things with AC have cooled off a bit. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in a normal way I think. It was so fun when things were hot and heavy and new, but you can’t maintain that for too terribly long I think. I did learn more about the circumstances around his separation and woof - it’s not good. He did not act with integrity, that’s for sure. I understand why he did it, and I empathize with him in that it’s really tough to be in a relationship that’s not meeting your emotional needs. But fucking around at work is not the solution. He does have remorse about it and characterizes his ex as a good person who did not deserve what he did to her. The way he talks about her and the situation is huge to me, as it’s clear he is learning and growing.

AC’s life is fascinating to me because it’s so chaotic and hard and messy right now, and so different from my own. I have money and space and freedom and he has none of that. Although I had strong feelings for him early on, I don’t really see a long-term path forward for us. I guess I just don’t feel like he’s ready for a new relationship, and I don’t think there would be space for me to have my own issues or problems when his take up so much space. I feel very even-keeled about it, though. I’m just taking it as it comes and enjoying my time with him. He treats me really well - he is pretty handy and fixes things for me without me asking. The other day he randomly went outside and unclogged and adjusted my broken gutter without me even dreaming of asking him to do that.

The other day we we were talking about something happening in the spring, and I made a joke about ‘if you even still like me in the spring..’ and he scoffed at it and even brought it up again a few minutes later. He reiterated that he thinks things are going well and that he wants to continue having a few overnights each week here with me. This was said partially in the context of him needing to spend less time at home (where the ex lives). I agreed and told him I liked having him around, so for the time being I had no problem with that. So, while he’s not moving in, I have agreed to be his little refuge, or home away from home.