All the way to New York
I can feel the distance getting close
You’re right next to me
But I need an airplane
I can feel the distance as you breathe
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future
Together you just look away in the distance
China decorates our table
Funny how the cracks don’t seem to show
Pour the wine dear
You say we’ll take a holiday
But we never can agree on where to go
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future
Together you just look away in the distance
China all the way to New York
Maybe you got lost in Mexico
You’re right next to me
I think that you can hear me
Funny how the distance
Learns to grow
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future
Together you just look away in the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance getting close
~Tori Amos
There is no reason for me posting this song other than the fact that it came on to my Spotify and it is absolutely beautiful. That, and I am incredibly emotional today (I think partially due to all of the old music I’m listening to) and I wanted to share all of my feels. The Little Earthquakes album by Tori Amos was my anthem for most of my early high school years, and for some reason I was drawn to listen to it today. I’m not sure if this was a good idea or not, but nonetheless, it’s happening right now.
I had some weirdly vivid dreams last night. Adam (my first love. first everything, really) was the central point of the dream. We were at Stanley Park at some huge festival that was happening and up and out of nowhere I see Adam and decide right then and there I am going to leave my husband and get back together with Adam. Tim was cooking burgers or something inside of one of those food stands you see at festivals like that. So I go over to Adam and he kisses me.
When they say that pregnancy dreams are vivid, they are NOT kidding. For the first time in roughly 5 years (which was probably the last time I hooked up with Adam) I remembered exactly how he kissed. Down to the shape of his lips, the movements of his tongue, the placement of his hands, and the smell of his skin. It was a PERFECT memory. Adam is hands down the best kisser I have ever kissed, and in my dream I just kissed him and held him for what felt like hours. It was so real and so intimate and so WRONG. I remember seeing Tim working in that burger booth and his eyes filled with so much pain and anguish and he couldn’t even look at me and here I am on a park bench making out with my very first love, the man who took my virginity.
I felt terrible about it when I woke up, which is why I’m not even going to say anything to Tim, because we haven’t even had sex in almost 2 weeks because I’m just so turned off about the idea… and here I am having wet dreams about my ex.
To be perfectly honest, though, it was REALLY nice to remember. I had forgotten how perfect Adam and I fit into each other. Too bad he’s a 27-year-old man child who doesn’t want to grow up.
But god damn could that man kiss. Mm.
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