Are we in the clear yet? in 2023

Still very much in my Swiftie era.

It’s been so long since I wrote, I can’t even remember what it was about. Alex’s birthday? Who knows.

Well I have Britney Spears’ memoir next to me, an LGBTQIA+ online class due November 1st that I’m procrastinating on, so what better time to write?

I took three sick days this week (unheard of for me). I have an obnoxious cold that took me down Wednesday, then Alex had fevers for 3 days and was vomiting one day, and Ryan has had the sniffles all week soooo.... it’s been gross here. I’m exhausted. Not sleeping well. My bowels are so fucked up right now. Could be from missing my lexapro a few days. Could be that I ate an entire box of Mrs. T’s pierogis yesterday. Could be nerves/general anxiety.

I had a follow up appointment with my psychiatrist a few weeks ago. I had nothing to talk about. I’m still depressed and withdrawn and bitchy. I’m much less anxious, though. I am still fairly emotionally numb. Executive dysfunction at an all time high. But did I mention that? No. I’m in no mindset to taper off one med and go on another (which she suggested last visit). So we talked about the war in Israel for about 25 minutes of our 30 minute virtual appointment. Okay.

Don’t get me started on how much I hate this world right now. The cruelty that humans can unleash on others, innocent children and babies, is disgusting. What a fucked up world.

Work has been good. I’m staying in my lane for the most part. I cover this absolutely satanic facility where every fucking thing is a production. I have three patients there, one was bleeding from her ear and they called me to assess it. I said, “Well is it traumatic? Did she scratch herself? I’m not an ENT, I don’t know what you want me to do/say/prescribe.” Like what the fuck. And there’s more to it but I’m too tired and lazy to get into it. The director lies to me, the med techs lie to me, it’s all a clusterfuck and I’m DYING to get them dropped from our services but it’ll never happen. Meh. They are the bane of my existence.

One of the nurses I trained less than a year ago is going back to the hospital like an absolute numpty. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to that insanity. But her mom is going through some shit and hospice is too depressing for her right now, so she’s going back to the hospital. Such a shame. I feel like I failed her, even though I know there are a ton of extenuating circumstances. She was good. Maybe she’ll be back one day.

I volunteered to become an LGBTQIA+ champion of our health system. I truly don’t know what that entails or means, but I feel it’s important to be an advocate and safe space for those who feel like they have no support or place to turn. So I have to take this online class which honestly isn’t even difficult, I just lack the attention span right now. This offering came from like employee relations or something, they sent an email out to everyone. I replied privately. I guess I should tell my manager, so it looks like I’m doing something “above and beyond”. The committee is offering pronoun badges to those who want to use them, and they gave me a bunch to hand out, so maybe I’ll bring it up at our next staff meeting?

Oh yeah, all our meetings are going to be in person starting in the new year. Fuck me. I have a weekly meeting every Tuesday at 8am, so Craig’s gone have to get the kids off to school. I don’t see any other way around it.

Me and Craig..... we’re hangin in there. Nothing new to report. We’re really still in the roommate phase, but we BOTH recognize it, which is huge because Craig didn’t even realize what it was when I was talking about it.

The kids are. Meh. They’re good, just getting on my nerves the last couple of days.

Not much else going on, I guess. I’m so desperately trying to get back into cross stitch. I even bought new patterns and fabric but… I’d still rather curl up on the couch with a book. There’s just no time.

The weather is beautiful today. 80 degrees, slightly cloudy, good breeze. It’s our town’s annual celebration today (postponed 3 times due to rain). We took the kids for a couple hours, they had a good time. It’s going to be rainy tomorrow and Monday, so the kids will be out of their heads. I just want to watch football in bed in my pajamas and take sporadic naps. Alas…

Well I guess that’s all. I’m sure I’ll think of 20 other things after I submit this but I really need to finish this online class.