Life update- in ::2022:: The Woman In The Mirror

I just read my last entry and i was all over the place…sorry.

Again, I had a stroke and I’m still getting my learning…

Counseling -
I have been speaking to a therapist for about 3 weeks. She’s amazing. We vibe! She’s given me grounding techniques for when I feel anxious, and the last appointment I asked her about affirmations and she’s sent me over 200! I’m so glad that I talk to her on Fridays (on Zoom). I feel different every week and it’s good to monitor that.

I up’d my Buspar prescription. I hate psychiatrist. Every single one that I’ve been to is a total butthead! I wish I had my counselor’s job, Just to get the tea on all these families… I’m kind of nosy to an extent… but I know how to mind my own business. Anyways, I just up’d it last week and from that I’m not social (at all) I just want to lay in bed if I don’t have to go out. I don’t feel like it’s working. I know I suffer from SAD (Seasonl Affective Disorder). I hate fall and winter. blah.

Cruise-
Shay and I are not friends anymore. Not because anything happened on the cruise. That went GREAT! We went to Jamaica and Cayman Islands. I ate some of the best food I’ver tasted. If I would have known how cheap cruises can be and how the payment plans work, I would have cruised around the world by now. Our vacation was like two different vacays. Me and Lina went our way and Shay, Jenny, and Chappy went their way.

After the cruise, my ex called me (we’re still cool) and he said “I know You went an a cruise with Shay, and he wanted to look at the pictures on IG.” He said that there was one pic of me and It was blurry, and I was like ‘What the hell?’” It was early so I just pulled up her name on all social media platforms and said “block, block, block” and went back to bed. aint no body got time for the bullshit. #Imalready40

That’s my new tagline… Anyone that comes trying to disturb my peace, I can’t. #Imalready40

Lo-Fi/ stroke-
I Love LO-FI. They make chill beats for studying and calming down. I also use it for sensory overload, and rest. I’ve been using lo-fi for about 2 years but it has really come in handy for the stroke because sometimes, I need music with no words. I just found out that “stroke fatigue” is a thing, and we need to sleep more than other people. I’m also learning what my physical limitations are. Before, I used to be on the go all the time but now, since the stroke, I’m exhausted, disorganized and irritable from little things. I’m working on it.

School-
Since the stroke, I have enrolled in the Adult School by my house. It’s teaching me comprehension and math. It’s so weird because, the stroke has taken some things but left other things alone. I can remember song lyrics but my math is gone. And I don’t read in a natural way. It’s very frustrating. I tried to read for fun but it’s not like it used to be. I used to read a book in one weekend…now I can’t concentrate like I used to. We have school Tuesdays and Wednesdays on Zoom and then on Thursday, we go to campus.

What’s so weird, I called my school and they’re literally the ONLY Traumatic Brain Injury in Northern California. And it’s one city away. I think my angel (my dad) had a lot to do with it. I’m so relieved that I found a class for myself. Everyone in the class had a brain injury. One of the guys got his brain injury from his 3rd attempt at suicide. I just wanted to hug him when I found that out.

I’m also in community college for Sociology. I’m taking a semester off so that I could talk to my doctor and school. I have ONE more class and it’s Probability and Statistics and I can’t even count right now. I’m contacting my counselor to talk to my doctor so I can’t take another class in lieu of P&S.

I’m hoping all things work out. My wish is to have my mom and brother come to my graduation.... That is really what I want.

I know I’m 40 and I’m only getting an AA but I’ve been working on this degree for over 23 years off and on. It’s really hard having a life genetic disease that seems like you’re swimming up stream the whole time.

People have no idea what I have to go through.

The night before my stroke, I was so worried about money (which we ended up going to court for and we got kicked out), and the next morning I couldn’t talk. My whole life changed. After I finished my degree, I had planned to enroll in nursing school…but
God makes no mistakes. I also feel like the stroke allowed me to get more time with my mom. I really want to take care of her (she’s my ride or die).

Apheresis-
This is called a Red Cell Exchanged, which is where I get 80% of my blood taken out they replace it with a donor’s blood. That’s why I have a port-a-cath in my chest. It makes it easier for blood exchanges cause there’s too much pressure is too much for the veins in my arms (my veins are shit anyways). At first, I was like “I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror everyday and SEE my illness”. but I had to get one anyways. I’ve also had two surgeries for the same port… OMG, long story. I have to get it once a month which kind of makes me depressed because I want to move out of America and that’s just another part of my health that will keep me tethered here. If anyone knows about dual citizenship, please let me know. I was looking at Thailand, Nigeria, Morocco, or Togo seems cool. I have do a little bit more research and traveling. I’m so over America. The healthcare is good in some states but i’m tired of the hustle and bustle of living in America. I want to sell seashells by the sea shore (and make a living wage). I don’t have to be rich, I would prefer to be comfortable and take it easy.

TaTa, Minx
If someone could please tell me why the former president got arrested and he’s still running??? Make that make no sense. I’m so confused.