I was looking at my countdown timer and we are almost down to single digit days. That causes excitement and anxiety. It would be a devastating, but survivable, blow if the date was pushed back again. In a perfect world I would have been flying back home yesterday after getting to see you finally. My mood has been a little down today, which you pointed out, and maybe that’s why. I knew my mood was off but hadn’t really thought much of it. That’s probably why I haven’t gotten shit done today. I’ll run you through the sequence of events when you asked me a seemingly simple question.
“What would make you a little more than okay?”
My immediate thought is you. That then triggered a sequence of overthinking. That’s greedy. There isn’t more to get right now. You might make her feel bad. Is that emotionally manipulative to say? Are you being like HIM? She isn’t responsible for you feeling better. Why are you in this mood? What can you do? You can look at her photos. Thus my response.
Thinking about it, “you” will always be an honest answer to what would make things better. Moods fluctuate, but my desire for you hasn’t. I think that is an honest answer. I brought it up yesterday. I’ve never not been excited to hear from you. That should of been a sign a long time ago. Text, call, or video, I’m always excited to talk to you. Sometimes I get lost just looking at you. And I’ll always want more. The hardest part about getting to see you finally will be having to leave. I’ll pay the price for that goodbye.
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