I don’t know if I can alleviate your concerns about occupying space, but I’d invite you to take more. I know that isn’t practical now, but my hope is that you will occupy a whole lot more of my space and time. Mentally you’ve always lived rent free in my mind. The only difference was that welcomed occupation dipped in and out of my subconscious. Occupying space was the main reason for not reaching out to you and just watching your website and occasional Instagram posts. I don’t know if you remember the time before last when we “played our games” with each other. I was so excited that you texted me that I think I called you. I just remember you seeming surprised. I remember the job I was on too. It was two hours from home and I left the basement to sit in my car and call you.
Something that has been floating around consciously and subconsciously is the idea of perception versus reality or objectivity vs subjectivity. Its a topic I’ve been coming back to for decades now. At first, it was more of a thought experiment. How can there be an objective truth when any observation has to pass through the filter of our subjective minds and perceptions. More practically lately I’ve thought about it as it applies to people, especially in the realm of relationships.
You can communicate in what you may consider an airtight, logic based, and direct way that can be run through the subjective self of another person who can take those words and apply previous experience, biases, attitudes towards you, and their current emotional state to transform those words into something completely different. Looking back I realized it has happened a lot to me and that it can happen at such a chronic level that it can kill a relationship. I say all of that to say I believe that you truly take the time to understand. It could be your profession and training but I don’t think so. I think it is just who you are. Its very refreshing. I don’t ever feel misunderstood even when I have trouble finding the right words, probably because you aren’t exactly afraid of follow-up questions.
In that same vein, I’d imagine the value placed on a person works the same way. That the culmination of someone’s experience, biases, and perceptions determines their determination of that person’s worth. While one person may look at a woman who doesn’t kowtow and wait on their children hand and foot as a “bad” mother because that is what their mother did for them. Someone else could see a great mother attempting to foster independence and confidence. All of the “bad” things perceived by one person could have another salivating to drink your bath water. As I hope you know by now, you are my literal prototype. Bring me all of those perceived imperfections and unwarranted criticisms, because the culmination of my experience on this earth has led me to you and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
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