6/12 in 2019 New Year same me

I have been bad about writing in here but have been trying to keep up with reading. Lots of stuff happening in my personal life. Lets see not sure when I last wrote but I celebrated my 45th bday in April, the 22nd then flew to Phoenix for a work convention, realized I felt horrible about myself. I have gained so much weight and have been unmotivated to do anything. I have no excuses I work at a gym. So I came back home resolved to work out more and quit eating my feelings.

Then my dog got sick.. ok lets back it up a bit, a year ago my dog (I have two so the older one who was 13) was diagnosed with cancer of the anal glands. She had a tumor removed, the vet said it could grow back but it is a slow growing cancer and normally takes 1-2 years so she most likely had a few years left. Well she started acting funny while I was gone on my work trip, being very picky and not eating. We took her to the Vets three weeks ago to discover that the tumor was back. Pretty much exhausted options unless we wanted to pursue chemo which we didnt she was 13 I was not going to pump her full of chemicals. It was a pretty fast decline from there and May 25th a few weeks after her 13th bday we made the choice to put her to sleep. She was not eating at all, was lethargic and we were having to carry her up and down stairs, she had no quality of life and I was not going to let her suffer. It was the hardest thing I have had to do but I stayed with her to the end.

After that I flew out the very next day for a family reunion which was under the best circumstances but I made it work.

Now I am back home and resolved to take better care of myself, tired of feeling like crap and uncomfortable in my own skin. I have things to look forward too n the future, like a trip I booked myself to an xfiles convention in September.

edit: 7/21

Jeez I started this entry completely forgot about it and now I am editing it a month later

Gotten better on the working out, lost 16 pounds just by watching what I eat and working out every day. I usually do 50 minutes on the treadmill and try and get 10,000 steps a day.

Miss my old doggy girl, definitely quieter without her. My little boy dog is lonely but we are not ready to get a new dog, maybe not for a while.

I fly out tomorrow to meet the rest of my family in laguna beach, I am looking forward to getting out of this heat! It has been in the 110-112 range or higher past two weeks. I know First world problems but I need a little sea air and beach therapy. Hubby cant come, he is unable to take vacation since he wants to use it in December when my family goes on a cruise. So he will stay with the pup and my roommate back home. I promised to bring him home his fav bagels.

Hopefully I can make myself write more often, not every six months or longer as is the trend.