It in Never Say Never

It's brilliant when he's not being a dick. It's brilliant when I am not analyzing his every blink, his every breath for some sign of it falling apart. It's mostly brilliant, as we're not doing too much damage too often. He is everything I said I wanted, including emotionally complicated, intellectually challenging, and fully engaged with the world around him.

"This isn't fragile, but sometimes I am," I tell him two nights after he freaks out and cuts me off for reasons I still don't understand. He spent the time in between contemplating what could have been the beginning of the end, deciding that he didn't like that idea, and going to extremes to make up for his bad behavior. It reminded me of my dad.

We are going to Mexico on Friday. Five days in an adults-only luxury resort. I plan to eat seafood for every meal, swim in the ocean, and blow(job) his brains out.