I am back. Honestly I cant explain why or what has stopped me from writtting but I havent really felt like I had much to say. Thought it might be time to give at least an update. I had the conversation with my dad and I feel as if I made some progress but all he really did was make excuses for the way he has been acting toward me. Why is it hard for people to understand that all I want is fairness. To be treated the same way they would like to be and to be thoughtful toward others the same way they would like people to be toward them. My family are more like leeches. They love to take and take as long as they need something from you or you have something to give but when they have what they want or no longer need you they discard you or treat you like shit. I want to have that family that you could count on but all I see are a bunch of selfish people trying to pretend to be something they are not. Yet I have hope that maybe one day they will see…ME! More than just the oldest daughter, the fixer of problems, the black sheep, the strong one, etc. because just because I am all of those things I am also part of the family, I am the person they count on and the one ALWAYS there. I am the constant no matter how many mistakes I make because I have made many (none of which have hurt or affected my family in any way). I am a person that just wants a family. Sometimes I just want to pack a bag and move. Start fresh with stranger that would probably treat me better than they ever had. Out of everyone only one person has lent a helping hand… my uncle. His like a lone wolf. He takes care of everyone so much that he has given his life for everyone. He has no wife or kids. I can honesly say he is more of a father to me. He is still very rough around the edges but he has seemed to be the only one to still consider me a part of the family. Might not be much that he does but he cares more than any one else.
If I were to die tomorrow, I would bet my next life that strangers would genuinely care more than my family. Even with that I live with the hope that one day things may change.
Loading comments...