Too Many thoughts in my head these days in Ups and Downs

When was the last time you burnt yourself out just doing something you love? Be it art, music, or anything in general? Can you remember where the time went since you last felt alive? Where are your childhood friends now? Is it them who changed or you? Or, did you just get stuck? Do you ever find yourself giving up for no reason at all? Do you find the pain so unbearable but no blood is to be found, simply a mental leak somewhere between your eyes? Though you stand still, is everything falling apart around you? What is there to hold onto? When is the last time you felt actually safe? When was the last time you watched TV? Can you tell me something you found on your own? Can you tell me why you are content with copying from others, does it make you feel safe to steal? Does it feel right to be false? Why do we compete? Why do we have to compete? Why do you love me? Why can't you love me? Why can't you love yourself? Will I be okay? Will you be okay? Why did we have to come here? Why can't we be friends? Why can't you say you care? Is there anyone out there? Am I alone in this crowd? Am I insignificant? Am I important? Are people evil? Are people good? Can somebody please tell me why everything has to be a competition? I want to leave, I want to be safe. I don't want to lose anything anymore. Can we please find home? Why did Josh have to die? Why am I alive? Why is it so hard to feel anymore? Why do I always feel like crying? Why do I not want to show weakness? Why am I so useless? Where is the adventure in life? Where is the happiness?