Why are you angry? in 2022

I shall address this comment:

“Why are you angry? Isn’t that what your promiscuous community does? If you want someone all to just you, be monogamous

I checked my previous writing, no where does it indicate I wanted to have mono/only him to myself type of deal. In fact, I specifically stated I was ENCOURAGING him to get things happening with her.

The use of the word “promiscuous” triggers a defensive response in my soul. It comes across sounding judgmental. Additionally, ‘be monogamous’? Was that the commenters intent?

Commenter may be new to reading me, may be uneducated on this topic, so let’s assume ignorance not intentional shitty-ness.

I have not been monogamous for 9 years and have no intention of adjusting back to a monogamous model. Honest, transparent communications of what’s going on in their life (relationships, etc) does not have anything to do with poly/mono models. (blinks in confused manner).

He claimed to not be polyamorous but maybe polysexual. Though, he got involved with me knowing full well of my life and partners. He choose to not date other people because that was not what he liked to do. I also did not date other people - I have a husband and a gf (we cohabitate). I wanted to spend the free time I had with these people. So, I was practicing a poly-fidelity. This is when the people in the established group do not date others outside of the group.

It is very difficult to ‘cheat’ in poly models but it happens. My model involves solid, consistent, transparent communication. But, he cheated not because of dinner with her but because he was having conversations with her about dating and constructing a long distance dating situation when we was still attached to me as his gf when HIS OWN MODEL was monogamous. Really, all I needed was ‘hey, I’m ready let’s talk about the actual disconnection between us as I prepare to move’ or ‘Hey, I’m really into X. I’d like to explore that. You know I don’t date more than one person at a time and we’ve talked about this eventuality regardless of my move or not’.

Instead, I see one of her friends post ‘I’m so glad when my friends find their partners’. Couple that with her own post of ‘finally, my heart feels so full’. Both of these things happened after a play party they both attended (which I knew about). I am not stupid - I began to put shit together and started asking questions to him.

Fact: Cheating begins with EMOTIONAL-FUCKING-CONNECTIONS that are outside of the understood and expected models. Regardless of ‘promiscuous community’ or monogamous model.

There is so much more to it than this though. There were months of shitty backhanded, poking, comments that was leading to the separation anyway (from my part).

Comments from him:
–Oh, I dont like it (when I didn’t wear my hair up like he preferred. I had it in a pony tail)
– You really like your sneakers dont you? (After multiple comments from him that i should wear some other cute shoes) to which I replied: I do. How about ask me why I prefer to wear sneakers? Maybe my feet hurt, maybe I have problems with my feet.
– We know how you dont like changes in plans. (I dont care about changes in plans but when we are spending the time together and you need to do shit on Saturday, let me know what the plan is ahead of time
– Ms. ballpark (because I’ve gone on many first coffee connections with people). Which I HATED and he knew it and kept saying it. When I’d mentioned Oh, I went on a date with him once, he’d say ‘oh he is in the ballpark’? I can’t say it’s slut shaming but if I expressed I didnt like the comparison - why continue this?
–On the way home from his going away party when I drove - for an HOUR he made an obnoxious mooing cow noise when I specifically asked him to stop (boundary anyone?)
–Always walked ahead and away from me (in week one of dating I expressed I didnt like it because I felt invisible and not even there as a companion). He continued doing it the entire time we were together.
– When I was going to the gym on tues/thur every week. I joined him at the bi-weekly kink event with wet hair. He’s like, oh did you just shower? I went to the gym like I do every week before this event (Hello, do you listen or know my schedule because I know yours…)
– Repeatedly wanted to hit me and leave bruises on my body when he knew there was a no bruise / mark boundary. But, not only did he know it because continuously said it as if to ‘rub in my face’ as a snarky shitty thing.
– I do not smoke but my husband does. So I would show up and he would ask me “did you smoke”? I’m like no. after the 3rd time, I’m like I did not and you know this and this making me think you are calling me stinky. and I can’t do anything about this. Knock it off.
–I was always cold in his apartment. He changed his winter comforter to the summer blanket. I said, did you pack the throw blanket? He said yes. I grabbed another side chair blanket - no big deal. I specifically asked him not to pack that blanket. The next week when he’s asking me about staying over ‘bring a blanket’.... DID YOU NOT LISTEN or just not give a fuck? That blanket was in the living room and was the last room to get packed, by the way.
– I never met his friends. After almost 9 months together. I take that back, I met one but only because he needed me to drive my truck to pick up some shit from that friends house for the move.

So many things. Others may not agree with this shit being shitty but I don’t care if you do or not.

AND I’m angry because I let all this shit go one for months because he looked good, was younger than me and bought me shit.

He is a narcissistic fuck and that’s that. Be gone before someone drops a house on you.