Went swimming,fear of drowning,feed children memory of my miscarried child, in Just Life

  • June 8, 2023, 7:42 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

Yesterday I begged my husband to go to Little Beaver State Park. I wanted to go hiking and spend time with him. My best friend Tella called me bored asked what I was doing and somehow it transformed from Little Beaver State Park to us going to Stevens Lake to go swimming with Tella. I don’t like going swimming with people because when I was younger I was saved from drowning on 3 different occasions. One of those occasions my ex fiance Alan tried to drown me because he swore he was teaching me how to be a better swimmer. In reality he was angry I taught him having the affair decided trying to drown me was his way to maintain control. I know that happened when I was 20. Alan and I haven’t dated in over 10 years but that phobia remains.

Talan knowing I can swim but prefer the shallow end drug me into the deep end and dunked me. I got a mouth full of water. I was choking and spitting water panicking. My husband tried to comfort my only to splash water in my face. I told him no and he kept playing. I explained to him I have a fear of being drowned please don’t do that. I spent the rest of the time swimming away from my husband trying to stop him from dunking me. He said I need to go over it. I told him respect my boundaries.

He thought it was funny I was hiding behind Tella. He for a moment embraced me like he told me to float on my back and tried to pull me in the deep end. He kept this childish game until I got out of the water. When I asked Tella to build a sandcastle with me Talan said he wanted to go home. I didn’t get to enjoy myself for running away from him.

Tella,Talan and I bought a pizza from Grandfather’s Pizza. It tasted pretty good. I was surprised to see pickles on it. Talan,Tella and I took the dogs Lemon and Baby for a walk. We hung out by the bonfire while Talan and Tella played cards.

I didn’t get to bed until after midnight. I got up at 4 am to go serve food at the hotel where I work. My boss Becky printed out a comment a customer sent her. The customer came late to breakfast while I was starting to clean up. I went and prepared some food for the parents and a 3 year old. I told them grab whatever they want from the bar. I got to wait for the food to cool anyway before I can clean up. I went to the back got them some yogurt and I told them good morning. I put the nozzles back on the juice machine to be sure they got the juice they want. Another customer saw my kindness and wrote my boss. My boss thanked me for going above and beyond for that family.. my boss knows I will wait to be sure everyone has food before I start doing dishes because I firmly believe nobody should leave breakfast hungry.

I told my boss my child I miscarried earlier this year never got to eat anything I cooked. I never prepared that baby a plate now I swear all children will eat if I have a choice in the matter. I do that as a personal vow to my miscarried child. As long as I have a choice no child will go hungry at that hotel even if that means I cook them extra food.

After I cleaned up everything I was waiting on the truck to discover that the truck with the kitchens food wouldn’t come until my husband would have to be at work. Gina the assistant manager offered to do the truck for me so my husband wouldn’t be late for work. I have known my boss Gina since we played together as kids. She is a wonderful person and I lucky to have her as one of my bosses. I enjoy my job here. I go above and beyond to help my bosses because they are my bosses first and my friends second. I respect them but love them too.

After I got my husband to work I was so tired I was afraid I was going to wreck my car. I decided to drink coffee and wake myself up enough to be safe enough to drive home. I looked around Goodwill my favorite store. I went across the lot to my husband favorite store Coalfield Cannibus. My husband uses marijuana he buys it there. I however adore the dresses,jewelry and hair bows they sell there. I use CBD muscle rub for pain but I don’t use THC for anything. I went in and bought a large black butterfly clip, a 4 heart rhinestone clip and a tie-dye hairband. I have bought so many beautiful flattering dresses from there. I have bought a lot of my jewelry from there. I know I could buy the hair bows cheaper on Temu but I like supporting small local businesses.

There was so many things this afternoon I needed to do but instead I took a nap. I want to be sure when I pick my husband up and I am awake to drive safely.

While I was trying to sleep Ash one of my cats knocked on my door. My Russian Blue tuxedo cat was upset over the litter box. He didn’t ask my mom for help who was in the living room Ash meowed my door because he knows I listen to their requests. All 4 of my cats meowed and celebrated I cleaned their litter box. Harley Ash’s tabby mother requested me give her more water in her bowl because it was low. I happily did Harleys request. I know I have 4 feline bosses but I love them telling me what to do. Cats appreciate me way more than humans! Ziggy and Coal begged for pets. These cats are good for my mental health I love them so much.

I got to go check if my clothes are dry I washed earlier. I also need to go get my husband from work. I really hope he is in a good mood when he comes home. Him and my mom have been watching a TV series on Netflix together.

After I get my husband home I am going to order some exercise equipment from Temu. I need to lose some weight. Talan and Tella says I took fine at 219 pounds but I know for my health I need to lose this weight and find a better lifestyle. I am buying me a jump rope and a hula hoop. I plan to start going on more walks. I guess cheers to my health.. my main goal is to be healthier.

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