I am finally starting to open up during group. I had been just sitting back and observing. One of my fellow loons got me to talking and before I knew it she was hearing the root of my depression this time around.
This is my 2nd time at St. Elizabeth's outpatient program. I was almost admitted as an inpatient, but I talked my way out of it. I was made to start the program the next day, no waiting. The class has welcomed me with open arms which is highly appreciated. No judgement, just acceptance. No one telling me how horrible I am because I want to end my life. Instead it's just understanding how much my insides hurt and how tunneled my vision is.
It's an illness. It's not something one choices. Some say "stop feeling sorry for yourself and deal with it." I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for my family and think they will be better off without me here. Without me here they can lead a healthier life style...one without depression and thoughts of suicide.
Today will be day 5 of therapy. I'm not suicidal today. So, that's progress.
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