p1:04
Long time no see. So I don’t feel like writing at all. Basically, I’ve had too much development, and I feel like a different person and almost all my crisis Es now are based on the idea that I might have not changed at all. I’m very very busy with a whole lotta work (imma fail history next Monday for sure for example). I don’t really have many shitty days, but today was one, I did nothing but thank God J asked me to go out dinner w him, S, N, I and B. I’m very glad they invited me.
Still hate father, my body and that sorts thing.
Rn, I think my biggest trouble is my body, imma try and work on it, coz in terms of “reputation” I am somebody and I have a strong sense of self most of the tyne, it’s my physics that fails. I’ve been thinking a lot bout cutting my hair and I might try a sort cut w long back yk. I wanna try that hair thing, maybe I can dye it white idk. And who knows if I try piercing or a tattoo. We’ll see how I work on that.
Tomorrow I might go thrift q these people of today, S just asked me. I still sleep w B but less, idk why. I do miss him when we don’t. Still in denial that I love him. I irrationally believe that another positive thing of changing physically is that he likes me more and maybe I have a chance.
I also have many crisis Es bout being nobody coz im not good at nothing. I play no instruments, speak no languages yk. I wanna work on that too.
p1:10
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