Nick has yet to find a job in Philly. We move in like...3 weeks. So naturally, I'm freaking out. Originally I was slated to have a part time job at the petco 2 minutes from our new place. This was perfect for me. Guaranteed 20hrs a week which was just enough to cover my half of expenses and feed myself. Sadly, it is not enough to cover all the expenses and feed both of us after our little nest egg runs out [roughly 2 months] . So, when the general manager from a brand new store called my store today offering me the position of companion animal department manager [my old job]...I reluctantly and very sadly took it knowing that if I wanted to move and still afford to live...I'd need to be making more money. Sure I'm knowingly sacrificing my health for this but that's a future me problem. Plus, someone needs to be making money.
For the record, I am absolutely devastated that I had to take this position. Not only did I hate management with a severe burning passion but it took everything outta me. My health is poor on a good day and with the extra work and responsibility of management I felt like I was literally dying for a solid year. But I had a real decision to make and I need to be out of Nick's grandparent's house. I simply cannot stand living here anymore. I fucking want my own place where I can walk around with no pants on and not worry if some old person is just gonna wander in asking some inane question. And I am so done with being surrounded by his family so often. I come from a three person home and that is what I'm used to. We never even saw extended family that often. He has a HUGE close knit family and I just can't take it for long periods of time.
I told Nick I took the position and he fucking attacked me about it. Telling me that there is no way I can do a full time position, that it will wreck my health blahblahblah. All of this I know but there is literally no other option. I told him it was either me take this job or we move, I can't afford rent after a couple months, we have to move back into his grandparent's house. His idea? "Why don't we just push back our move?"
THAT IS NOT A SOLUTION. I have been dying to get into some place that is even a little bit mine for years. I don't even own a goddamn dresser. Our bed is a futon mattress on the fucking floor. I want OUT. And now that I can finally see the light at the tunnel, you want me to back out and just tell everyone "oh, jk we're not moving yet haha funny joke, right?!" Fuck we already have the electric in our name, renter's insurance paid for, internet getting hooked up the day after we move in. I am not backing out of this. He was actually fuckin surprised when I said I couldn't afford all our expenses by myself on a part time job. He's been so clueless about this whole move it's the most frustrating thing. And he refused to apply to retail jobs until literally today. He has his nurses aide certification and he's been applying for those jobs [...just started that a few weeks ago. meanwhile we knew we got the apartment back in JUNE] but his license isn't transferred yet so none of the places want to hire him. I've been mentioning getting a few retail apps out there just so we have two incomes but he didn't freaking listen to me.
I know he attacked me because he feels bad but that is no excuse. DO NOT make me feel like shit for making a hard as fuck decision that will put food on our plates and let us live on our own. Yes, I do know the gamble I'm taking with my health. I weighed the risks and made a split second decision. After he blew up on me I retreated into the bedroom cuz I was just so angry and he came in and cuddled me and whispered that he just wanted to take care of me.
Which is a really nice sentiment but we're going to have a lot of bills soon and sadly sentiment is not a valid currency.
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