Today I woke up with an urge to “please” myself, I longed for some cuddles and a masculine touch. I will admit that these feelings are all biological and there is nothing inherently wrong about them. The issue lies in yielding to them, I know all too well the guilt that comes with yielding to sexual desires outside marriage. I am still dealing with the consequences. I stopped being sexually intimate just half a year ago, but imagine the dread of finding out I have an infection months after I made a vow to God and to myself that I will not be engaging in premarital sex. Imagine the shame of having to contact the person and letting them know that they might need to get themselves checked out, someone I had completely cut ties with. I had to reconnect with my shameful past. I in humility bear the natural consequences of my sin.
I still recreate scenes of carnal intimacy in my mind, I have a burning desire to be known.
I do not know what I shall do with this body of sin for these thoughts do not elevate and the pleasure lasts but for a while. I want to be spirit filled and wait on what God has in store for me. Create a clean heart within me O God and renew a right spirit within me. Cleanse me and I shall be clean.
I did muster the strength to pull my hand away from self pleasure and to remind myself that I do not want to go down this path again, the path of shame and regret. I need a higher power to help me stay firm to my resolutions. I need the Holy Spirit to overcome sexual impurity in all its forms.
And now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you faultless before the fullness of His glory with exceeding joy. Take hold of this verse and its promises child of God. God is able to keep you from falling, and the very same God knows your struggles, He has already provided a way of escape.
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