Hi,
This is relationship advice and I need help with how to go about a problem that is weighing on my mind. I literally cannot stop thinking about it but I feel as though if i say something I am going to come off as an asshole or not right. I feel like I need some help how to explain my feelings without maybe seeming selfish even maybe I am thinking selfish idk anyway here is the situation.
Ms mom is getting married in Aug and we are going originally M was sitting at the main table but I caused a fuss about it now he is going to sit with me. So I re brought that situation up because I don’t want to take away from his mothers day and I needed him to know that if the original plan was for him to sit up at the main table then he should. We talked about it but it quickly turned into a argument.
See he claims he didn’t know but we all know he did lol.. anyway I told him that I should have been made aware that I was not going to be sitting with him because I have social anxiety and at that point it should have been my decision if I wished to go to the wedding after all I am just a guest. I was not aware of this before the tickets were bought for us to fly out to alberta.
So he said again I didn’t even know, then he said that he knows my social anxiety goes away when after I am in a situation so he did not see it as a big deal plus I would have been sitting with people I know and it’s just a dinner.. his quotes ” I am going to be out mingling after anyway so idk what your expecting” To me that hurt me because essentially I am going to be alone like I had already said I would be I made it pretty clear when we go to family things his mom is my clutch I even told her that when she was here. she told me I had nothing to worry about her sister would make sure I am okay.. See the problem is it’s not her sisters job it’s his job and he is literally putting me in a situation I would rather not be in.
When I mentioned that I shoulda been given the choice if I go or not he said if I had chosen not to go then we would be over. I said I would never be doing it out of disrespect or to hurt someone but that I matter. I said to him that basically in his opinion I have to do what he wants me to no matter how it makes me feel to which he replied it’s not about me it’s about my mother. I said well I matter too you need to realize that. Then he said that if it was reversed and it was my mom I would be the sameway. I said listen I would never put you in a situation to be uncomfortable period and he replied but I wouldn’t be uncomfortable.. so I replied that means he already doesn’t understand.
I don’t know how to address this issue I hate talking about that wedding but at the same time I am feeling hurt and basically wondering if I even matter to this man in this moment he walked all over me and in not so many words told me that i did not matter and that I should want to be there because my family is apart of the wedding..
Granted this all came about because she was a brides maid from hell and he asked me if he talked to his mom if I would take the girls place. I said to him your mom had a chance to ask me while she was here and I asked her if she had a back up plan. I prefer she does not ask me I am not a second choice for anyone and I do want the thanks for showing up award. I think it annoyed him but I said I was never thought of for the position so I don’t want it. however if his mother asked I would not say no lol because i am not an asshole lol and we all know that about me. I let him know I prefer it not to be me and I actually think that’s what started the whole messy convo..
Should I let it die see if his actions match his words? maybe they were words of anger not thinking? I hate talking about the wedding and I hate it so much this brings on so much anxiety for me and it’s less then 3mnths away now.
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