That thing called love in Diary

In the interest of not being a Negative Nancy (seriously, I just needed to vent) here is something more positive.

Eli and I had our first anniversary this week just been. It was wonderful. Well, dinner was. I spent most of the day and unpacking from Splendour and cleaning while he laid on the couch pretty much all day. I suggested going out to one of our locals for lunch but he ordered in. Each to their own I guess. And dinner was pretty spectacular so I think we'll just focus on that. Dammit, this was meant to be a positive entry and I already tarnished it with a negative remark. Maybe I'm just a negative person.

ANYWAY! Dinner! We got dressed up and went to Quay and probably had the most amazing seats in the restaurant. I'm sure they're all strategically placed to have an awesome view of Sydney Harbour but I couldnt have picked a better seat if we were allowed to. It was expensive but worth it... Well I guess I can say that when I didnt foot the bill but I'd like to take him out somewhere nice now. Just because.

This is definitely the first time I have felt love like this. I've loved before and cared about someone but this is different, naturally. Love is such a broad term but you never love someone exactly the same as you love or have loved someone else. Like, you love your friends but in different ways. You love your siblings and your parents in separate ways. You love your lovers in different ways. I think I craved the love and attention I got from Jamie because he was my first and he became more of an obsession. He hurt me time and time again but I stayed with him for those occasional moments of passionate, crazy, stupid love we had for each other. Callum taught me what it was like to all of sudden fall in love and completely be swept away by it. It taught me that you could be with someone without another being the alpha and you could just.... be equal. I'll always have a soft spot for him. I dropped the L-bomb on Mitch but I didnt love him. I was infatuated. He was a c**t. A dirty, dirty.... Moving on...

I miss Eli the moment he leaves in the morning. If he wants to do something, 99% of the time I want to support him (I don't necessarily support his occasional pipedream to be an F1 racer - especially when he mentions it after we've just seen a crash on tv). He's motivated me to be a better version of myself without any hints or suggestions. His motivation to better himself is what motivates me. Every time I'm doing.... anything really... dishes, washing, hanging laundry out, brushing my teeth etc, I cant do it without him coming over and touching every part of me and while its annoying sometimes (when you just want to get something done) its also nice to still feel that desired.