Even Cowgirls get the blues in One day at a time

It has been a tough week. I am usually a sunny, glass half full person. Mentally I consider myself pretty stable (other's may disagree). I did see a note on my Dr's file that said "may be suffering from low level post traumatic stress" (the joys of the Dr putting everything on a computer in front of you). For new readers, this relates to the sudden and unexpected death of my husband Michel, who died in front of me - whilst I was doing my best to resuscitate him. I had come off a work contract a few weeks before and wasn't working - so I had no income. I had to see the welfare agency (the week following his death), in the hope of being placed in a job quickly but after an interview they decided I wasn't fit to work and I was put on a sickness benefit. So that is where the diagnosis came from. I was on the benefit for about 8 weeks, and then I got the job I am in currently. Anyway that's a bit of background for what sent me spinning this week, I think anyway.

So what happened? I'm not even really sure. I was woken at three in the morning by screaming from next door (we share a bedroom wall - and even though it is concrete block they are loud). Putting two and two together it was a stormy night and I think they had bought all 3 dogs inside. It sounds like one of the dogs attacked another one, and he is a pit bull mix, so probably locked on to the other dog. I don't know if one of the humans got bitten, but the older dog (not a pit bull) is no longer there and I thing he was killed in the melee. So much screaming, shouting and then her crying hysterically. Followed by them leaping in the car and squealing off into the night (emergency vet? emergency room? I have no idea). Unbelievably my roommate slept through the whole thing. What frightened me - apart from everything I have detailed - is my reaction to it. I was shaky for days, couldn't eat (not such a bad thing) and was just generally jittery. I considered see my Dr, but it is cold and flu season, and I knew it would be days till I could get an appointment. Finally I fell back to my old standby of keeping busy. I scrubbed everything in sight and just kept moving. Eventually I got through it and now I am fine. It has made me more determined than ever to move the hell out of here.

Sorry confusing to read, but I feel better for getting it all written down.