The Rest of My Life in The Heart Chakra II

Since the last time I wrote, I find myself making plans for the rest of my life. It seems premature at age 53, but I'm not talking about retirement. I'm talking about setting my priorities. In May we learned that Brian's disability claim was denied after his hearing. His attorneys have appealed. It could be another year before we see the hearing on that. So, in order to decrease the household deficit, I refinanced Augustine and applied to the Florida Hardest-Hit Principal (Mortgage) Reduction program.

I'm also looking in earnest for a new job, and have sent in applications. No interviews yet. I'm not worried at this point because we still have some savings; and my job is my credit with the credit union if I ever need to take out another loan. If Brian's disability is denied again, it will be the end of the road and I will have to make sure that I can support the household on my income alone until Brian is able to work again.

Brian and I also went to several sessions of couples counseling, because we needed help dealing with the disability decision and its fallout, together with coping with aging and advancing health issues. We went to the same counselor who did our pre-marital counseling 21 years ago. We worked through some shit. We had objective discussions about what was reasonable about our expectations. My priorities shifted. I will never sell him short again.

I scheduled a number of doctors appointments for us both: eyes, skin, feet, new dentist, and our family doctor. Da New-New Doc has retired, so we're seeing one of his partners; rather than call him Da New-New-New Doc, I'll just call him Family Doctor. My diabetes is stable and I'm no longer prescribed insulin; I had stopped taking it months ago because I'd been crashing. My arthritis has not advanced. My feet are fine, and I can still pull trains with my teeth (and the plan is to keep 'em that way). Borderline open-angle glaucoma is still an issue for me, and I'm to see a glaucoma specialist soon. Meanwhile, Brian's eyes are better; there are still no diabetic complications, and the miniscule hole he had in his retina has closed. But he has gotten worse in terms of his diabetes, his arthritis, his blood pressure, his allergies and his teeth. Everything is treatable, but what worries me the most is that he now has to take fast-acting insulin together with his other diabetic meds. This is very tricky; but being the son of a diabetic mother, and being very motivated, Brian knows the drill.

I don't know who I am if I don't have a fight; so when the Family Doctor screwed up my prescription for metformin, I blasted them bigtime. I mean BIGTIME. Not because of me. I'm a survivor and my diabetes is stable. But there'll be HELL TO PAY if they ever screw up Brian's insulin.

I'm fighting on the work front, too. I've all but cut Jewel out of my life, because once word got out that Brian and I were seeing a social worker, everyone but Talisha stopped asking me about Brian. I'm apt to blame Jewel for that rather than Apple because I know Jewel's tendency to gossip. I'm also still hurting from the River days, from the revelation that she tried to undermine my relationship with Apple before it even started (spoiler alert: it didn't work). J is calling me out on little things such as my tone of voice in the case notes I write, while not concerned enough that people are still trying to circumvent the conflicts system and the PIT. Da Big Bosss continues to brag on our successes, but can't talk about our still being underpaid. There will be hell to pay, again, if our wages are frozen next year; it will be the 9th wage freeze of my 21 years with the agency. Speaking of that, it bugs me no end that if I had all those wage freezes back, I could have been sufficiently supporting my household years ago and wouldn't be worried whether or not Brian's disability ever came through. I no longer buy it that freezing wages is the way to save the agency, because we've had surpluses at the end of each of those years. I've already sounded out the support for unionizing, and there isn't any. I'll let y'all know if I need yous to get signs ready, because I certainly will be doing so.

Jumoki turned 1 in April, Oreo turned 4 in May. Ace will be 13 in August; Guinne 11 in October; Thea, 10 next March; Boq, 8 next April; and Davison, Pertwee and Colleen, 7 next March.

I'll write again soon.