Bullets Today in The Story

• Yesterday my best friend went to the hospital with colitis. She lives in New York, so of course I can't see her. Her and my other friend sent me a picture in the morning of her getting a morphine injection with the caption "Ava is dying today" and since I was half-asleep I didn't register that they were in a hospital (Didn't see the IV and the wristband since the pic was just basically their faces) and thought they were at the UN (since they work at the UN on Thursdays) so I replied by telling them they look "adorkable" - a word which I have never used EVER in real life and have no idea why I typed that into my phone. (I might have still been a little high from the night before) Later I looked at the picture again and realized they were in a hospital and at this point she couldn't text and i was talking to my other friend and I felt so terrible that I called Ava adorkable as she was being treated for an inflamed colon. Of course now I am not hearing the end of it. She is better today though and being discharged, thank the Gods. The thing is, we always joke about how "we are dying". If we are tired we text "I'm dying" if we are bored we text "I'm dying" if we are hungry -- you get the point. I think we need to use a different word for when something actually serious is going on in our lives.

• Tomorrow and Sunday I am working this teen beauty pageant. Tomorrow I've got 9 in a half hours of it. I don't usually like working events because they don't give you breaks and you can't sit down...but what I do like is being able to work with other temps and meet people. Hopefully there is some free food I can steal. But then again it's a beauty pageant so will food be scarce? If anything I could maybe find an amphetamine hook up, right? HA

• I didn't clean yet. Today I have no choice but to at least do 50 loads of laundry because I have nothing to wear tomorrow.

• Last night Cassie's neighbour and long time family friend had a party for her daughter, Morgan because she went to Burning Man. HAHA. It was a lot of fun. Morgan's a bartender so she made us cocktails and we sat around and looked at pictures all night. Now the best part of this is that it was me, Cassie, Morgan, her sister Ellie, and then her mom, Cassie's mom, and another neighbour Mildred who is probably in her 70s - but this spunky, witty, sarcastic lush. Anyway, the comments Mildred was making about Burning Man (or as she called it Iron Man) made me laugh so hard that vodka was coming out of my nose. "SO WERE THERE JUST PEOPLE HAVING ORGIES EVERYWHERE? PEOPLE MY AGE? DID THEY HAVE THEIR TEETH IN OR OUT?" or "OH IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LOVE ISN'T IT, THOSE GODDAMN LEFTOVER HIPPIES FROM MY DAY" Then we played Cards Against Humanity. Morgan's mother won. She's in her 60s and the sickest fuck on earth. I love them.

• Tiny Houses. Last night Morgan was showing us her next endeavour. Building and moving into a Tiny House. They are mobile but they aren't trailers. They are just these tiny little houses that you can build and they are cheap and really cute.

They're called the Tumbleweed Tiny House Company. It intrigued me so much that I might want one too. I bet you could even bring it to Burning Man.

• I learned three new words last night "Swooping" - The act of swimming while pooping, "Smegma" The gross stuff that accumulates under either foreskin or fat rolls or saggy boobs if you don't wash, and "Vagomach" The area between your vag and stomach that sometimes hangs out in older women.

• I'm weird and I have weird friends and wouldn't have it any other way.

Stay Classy,

LB