I did it. I fucking did it. Excuse the French. I called and left a message for a therapist. I know that sounds like nothing, but it is EVERYTHING for me. I call myself Phone Adverse and I legit told the therapist that on the phone. You see, I have gone down this route before. Therapist called my back on 4/4… Well, I just mustered the effort to call back on 4/18… It took me until 4/14 just to listen to the voicemail. It doesn’t make sense, I know.
I am incredibly fortunate and I know that. My mom is helping. Health care sucks and I can’t afford a therapist without insurance. Funny thing is, no therapists like accept insurance. My mom feels guilty because she thinks I have her brain. I keep telling her I have a mix of her’s and dad’s, so chill. I think my IQ had benefits from this, but it sucks otherwise. She thinks I need some medication. I think I just need to learn how to work my brain and channel it.
I am kind of meh on therapists because my last couple of experiences were not great. Hence why mummy stepped in. She really believes in the value, and to be honest, she should. She had a nervous breakdown when I was 15, and maybe attempted to kill herself. I am not sure. I was raised in a family where we don’t really communicate. Not good for someone who knows their brain is too much for them. Anywho, she is a badass right now. I am so proud of her and her improvement. SOOOOO I decided to give this all a go, because I just want to know or have a handle on why my brain is the way it is. I know I’m not “normal.”
Anyways, I feel like a douche nozzle. And honestly, that is worse than the bag. The bag collects gunk. The nozzle is all up in the punanee.
Man, I miss you, Danielle. So much. Like, so much. Danielle. No one talks about what losing a best friend from childhood does to you. I can’t talk to anyone.
I am this close to deleting this entry.
Crying makes your eyes heavy.
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