Diagnose me in 2023

Honestly not looking for a medical diagnosis because I should see a doctor for that. HOWEVER. I do need a vent sesh.

I have been in GI hell since Wednesday. Started with bloating and just kind of feeling “blah”. Then it turned into cramping with diarrhea. Then some intermittent nausea (no vomiting ever, mercifully), then more cramping diarrhea. Like 2-3x/hour sometimes. Getting up multiple times during the night to go. And night sweats started last night. So I probably have cancer.

What the actual fuck. My poop has been WEIRD. Really not diarrhea in the watery sense but like…certainly not formed by any means. It’s ALL SORTS of colors (not red or black or blue but anything else you can think of). So viral vs food poisoning? I dunno. No one else in the house is sick (thank you godddddd). Could be something transmitted from the dog. Like he licked me or something and I didn’t wash my hand before stuffing my face with chips/candy/etc. It could happen.

I had to call out Thursday and Friday. I was wiped out from all the pooping and not sleeping and just being dehydrated. I’m glad I’m not throwing up but whatever I eat/drink makes its way out REAL QUICK. And the cramps are annoying. Like you feel like your asshole is gonna explode any second once the cramps hit. Blargh.

And today I’ve been quite dizzy. Which I’m sure is a mix of dehydration as well as missing 3 doses of lexapro. I’ve never missed that many consecutively. But I took one today, we’ll see if that helps the dizziness at all.

Earlier in the week, Craig booked tickets for us to take the boys Friday night to see the Mario movie. I was really hoping I’d feel better at that point, but I didn’t. Craig said he’d take the kids on his own but it was their first time at the movies and a) I wanted to be there to enjoy it with them and b) I didn’t want Craig to have a breakdown if the kids weren’t behaving. So being the classy woman I am, I fashioned a diaper out of those giant postpartum maxi pads in case I either couldn’t hold it or trusted a fart I shouldn’t have lol.

Anyway, there were no accidents, thank god. The kids had a great time at the movie. They were smiling and clapping at the end of the movie, I’ve never seen Ryan so happy. His smile alone made it all worth it.

So anyway. I just had some dinner which I’m sure I’ll regret tonight when I wake up 10 times to crap. I’ve had gastroenteritis and food poisoning in the past and neither one of them presented like this or lasted this long. I’m annoyed. I’m tired. My butt and my body hurt.

Sigh.