I guess this is mostly for me in Give Me Mercy and a Minute now. I'm a bleed a little poison out.

I've sat here trying to think of what to write. I haven't written anything in awhile, so I do owe you all an entry. So, this may be brief or I may go on tangents.

So work...is pretty good. Schedule is starting to set in. As it is now I have Thursdays and Sundays off. Which works out pretty nicely because I work early on Saturdays, so I still have the weekend. Tomorrow (Monday) I am working a closing shift to do inventory, because my direct superior can't make it, so he asked me to cover for him. As far as that goes it's good. "Manny" is still a pain in my ass. He has no idea what it takes to do the job, and expects me to be in multiple places at once. Spoiler alert....there's one of me. And I can only do so much. For example, I can't push what we don't have. Also, I talked to the other person that backstocks the freezer, that isn't me, and he is frustrated by it just as much. We both have responsibilities outside of the freezer, and nobody else wants to do the backstock for the freezer, so I end up doing it, because he comes in only once in awhile, and I have responsibilities on the floor and the cooler and what not, so I can only do so much backstocking. Like, my job isn't just to backstock, as a matter of fact my job is to help backstock when I can...it's not like that is definitively part of my job. That's a backroom task. I'm not back room, I am still technically floor. So when nobody else is going to even attempt to work on it....it's going to get shitty. I do what I can, but like I said I have other priorities. Like, "Manny" said to me the other day, "We need to get caught up in the freezer badly." Doesn't sound bad when reading it, but he said it in such a condescending way like it was my fault. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK? Shit is not my priority. Also, how can I complete all my tasks with him pulling me away for STUPID SHIT. Later that day he says "Take a break from the freezer and push some milk." I had already pushed all the milk we had....I can't push what we don't have. He could easily have looked and seen that it was all already pushed. Fucking idiot. Then I watch him go to toss the trash in the back. Does it, walks out....tells me something retarded (as usual) then walkies that he is going to go do the trash again...WTF YOU JUST FINISHED THE TRASH. And oh my fucking god. If I ever walk as slow as that man, I think I will kill myself. I move at a fast pace, and I can't stand this whole, let me walk as slow as I possibly can shit. Bitch this is work, fucking move your ass. You're wasting all of our time. He's the worst. I reeeaaallly hope he isn't there when I am doing inventory tomorrow evening.

Sibling front. -_- hmmm I can't stand that they have moved in. It's fucking ridiculous. The sheer amount of complacency. They have wrecked the living room. Sibling won't clean it. Claims that she should be helped. Bitch, I spend all my time in my room, and I clean up after my dog when she has an accident. What have you done other than just toss shit around and ignore it. How about her Rabbit? Yeah she has a rabbit....I have taken care of it. I told her she needed to clean the cage this weekend. I am pretty sure she didn't, so chances are tomorrow before I go to work, I will be cleaning it. I am very close to telling her to fuck off, and that I am keeping the rabbit. How about the fact that she claimed she was going to pay rent and help with groceries and shit. She gave my mother 100 dollars a bit ago...My mother handed it to her and said go get me a few items, like no more than 10 dollars worth. She comes back with a shit ton of stuff. Spent 40 bucks. Didn't give the 60 back until like a week or 2 later. How about the fact that they go out and eat out like every weekend. BITCH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR A HOUSE!!! You are expecting, YOU NEED TO BE SAVING THAT GOD DAMN MONEY. Shit. I am very close to exploding. And telling them how shit is. They need to pull some weight. I mean I don't pay my parents rent or shit, but I fucking pull my weight. I help and what not. Plus, she and her family have lived on their own before, and now that they move back in they think that they don't have to clean, or cook, or have responsibilities? Fucking hell. You are not a god damn child. They are idiots. To top things off. I let them use my xbox and guess what...now my controller is fucked because of how careless they were with it. Gotta buy myself a new controller, because trying to get them to replace it would be a fucking miracle and a waste of time. Needless to say they do not get to have my xbox back.

I got approved for a credit card, so I can start building my credit. Everything for me seems to be going up....sort of. It all depends. And first things first. I AM GETTING MY DESKTOP. I should be able to order it August 8th if things go according to my plan, it all depends on the ...obstacles....that present themselves. When I have it I will post. I have a plan set and I am working on it. And it has been going fairly well.

Now....this next part....hmm...How do I even start. IF she reads this it would basically just be telling her flat out what to do, but that's assuming she ever reads this shit anymore. I suppose if she does, it will probably be obvious, but fuck it. I don't give a shit. Well, let's catch you all up. B. Remember her? Basically my kryptonite. She somehow got under my skin. Well, she started dating some dude. Made a claim of, "I don't have to choose between you and a guy for once." Yeah, look at that "There are things I miss" entry of mine. He tried friending me on facebook one time to which I ignored, because it was obviously an attempt at a power move to try and nudge me out. Blah blah blah....about 3 months ago we stop talking. A month in she sends a message.."hey" I ignore, because it had been a month, why the fuck should I respond. Roughly 2 months later...(Last Thursday) she sends another "Hey" 2 months later? and you say "Hey" So I ignored it again. You think "Hey" is enough to get me to respond....after you pull this disappearing act....again? I mean seriously...."Hey" Fun fact, when you want people in your life, you know...the good people that treat you right, and are there for you and shit....you don't fucking vanish for a couple months and return expecting a warm reception when all you say is "hey" So, I ignored that message, until this weekend...I decided I'm off I am going to have a few drinks. I did. And after consideration of what to say and how to respond....I threw all that consideration out the window, said fuck it, and sent a question mark. Which ( courtesy of the app) I know she read. And said nothing. So, is that my answer? I mean, you fight to keep the important people in your life, and I'll be damned if I haven't fought for her. I have. Far more than I would for just about anyone. If anybody else had done this kind of shit on repeat occasions, they would have gotten the boot a long ass time ago. As a matter of fact a few have gotten the boot. So, me in all my reasoning prowess, can't help but wonder, she messaged me on a Thursday, I responded late-ish Saturday evening, so is this kid she's dating trying to control her, like all the other ones have? She did vanish rather abruptly. And thinking back..the 19th was also a Thursday. Could it be that she is not with the kid on Thursdays. It wouldn't be the first time she moved far to quickly with a relationship, and it wouldn't be the first time she snuck talking to me to try and keep me around while still playing her stupid ass bf's games. I don't know how many times I have had to say flat out, that a person that is actually worth having and that TRULY loves you...isn't going to play that "Don't talk to that person" bullshit. I admit, I have talked about shit like that to ladies important to me. But never once have I forced them to stop. I have said, things like I don't trust this person and I would like it if you provided me some kind of security. I always got the "You just have to trust me" response. -__- we all know where the fuck that got me. I trust the people I care about. It's not them that I don't trust. Well, B is borderline right now, even if she really shouldn't be trusted, but like I said she's under my skin. I remember not too long ago we hadn't talked for 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS. And she sent me a message of "I miss you" and proceeded to get mad that I thought it was only a week at the time. BITCH IT'S BEEN SEVERAL MONTHS. And all you've brought to the table is "Hey" ? I can prove many times the things you've said in regards to me. About how I am so different and shit. How you don't think you'll ever find someone that makes you feel like I do. " The whole world could be falling apart and just talking to you can change it...I instantly feel comforted talking to you. You make everything right with the world" "If he would've had a problem with you when I brought you up today I would've been done with him right there" "All I need is my wife. And well you." Sending pictures with text like "It doesn't matter who hurt you, or broke you down. What matters is who made you smile again." and saying "reminded me of you" You drunk randomly texting me "I love you a lot" You telling me what your step-mom (i think that's the relation) "She was like why aren't you and Kyle dating. All you're ever doing is talking to him and smiling at your phone." Or how about this little snip-it "You're my best friend, my freak, my loser, my nerd, but most importantly you're mine. We may not have a title but you're mine."..."I know I have you and half the time I know it's hard for you to believe, but you have me." Sending a screenshot of a "Fact Alert" "Marrying your best friend eliminates the risk of divorce by over 70%. These mariages are more likely to last a lifetime." Or how about wanting my hockey jersey and the Queen of Hearts necklace that matches my King of Hearts necklace? I don't see that shit around your neck anymore when your posts wind up on my feed. You want to come back with just a "hey" as if you haven't vanished again? No. I am tired of this whole nonsense. I have fought for you. I've made it abundantly clear that you mean a shit ton to me. But you're not a kid anymore. You shouldn't be vanishing like that anymore. What ever happened to me being soooo important that my sticking around was a deal breaker for relationships for you? What happened to "He's not going anywhere" Last time we stopped talking for only 2 weeks and you claimed to have so much to say and really didn't say shit. It took you quite some time to actually say the things you supposedly wanted to. And yet look where we are now. You fucking vanishing for months at a time again. I am done with that shit. If you want to talk to me, fucking say something more than a god damn hey. Show you want me around. I've done my fighting to keep you around, and you still vanish. Sorry, babe. It doesn't work like that. You don't get to just say "hey" like nothing happened. I don't take kindly to this shit, and you know that very well. You have done it too many times. You know where I work, where I live, my phone number, my facebook..etc etc. Getting in touch with me isn't hard. Yeah I ignored your 2 heys sent in 3 months, so what? Hey doesn't cut it. Which I may add, you only sent through ONE form of contact. Which I had deleted for a little while. I'm working on getting my shit together, and it's working. I am making real progress on all of my immediate goals. You should read the "There are things I miss" entry. It has this little section about your whole "not having to choose between me and a guy" bit. Maybe I overestimate what I mean to you, but I have the proof to show that I was not foolish in believing what I believed. You want to come back, you better bring a fucking lot more than "hey." Shit you used to stalk my OD. You claimed to read it "every night before bed" I'm done with this shit. I am sooo done with this disappearing and trying to come back like it is no big deal.

You are dating this dude. With how important you claimed I was to you, then there is NO reason why you should be disappearing. None. I was a deal breaker at one point with this dude. And now you are gone for 3 months? Ha. And have only tried to message me on Thursdays. Maybe those are just the days that you are off and available to message. But if history truly repeats itself, my guess is this dude, like all the others, strapped that leash on you. And you abided to these bullshit terms. I don't know how many times I have to say it. A REAL RELATIONSHIP doesn't have one person saying "don't talk to" That is not how it works. That shit SCREAMS red flags. And this dipshit of yours, screamed red flags repeatedly. Scheduling something with you, then without even talking to you canceling those plans to do shit for himself? How about your snooping and him throwing a shit fit? Spoiler alert....EVERY GIRL EVER IS GOING TO SNOOP!!! It's what chicks do. Because the popular train of thought is that the dude is a dick and is cheating or hiding shit and doing shit behind her back. Guess what...Ladies can be just as fucked up as us dudes. But dudes take the rap for it. I expect every girl I ever date to try and snoop. I don't leave anything to be found out. I am flat out straight up all the time. I like you? You know it. I dated a chick you don't like? Yup. I did something wrong? Yup I own up to it. I'm mad. You bet your ass you'll know it. I don't like someone you're friends with I will make it known but I won't push the issue. I remember you got mad because I dubbed one of the dudes you dated jackass. And guess what, when they scream jackass....I dub them that and I refer to them as that. You know this. I have done it with all the fucking morons you dated that proved me right. As usual. Anyway. Yes guys are viewed as the shitty people. As a man, I believe completely that girlfriends are going to snoop. They want to really KNOW that you are trustworthy and not hiding anything. So they snoop, and as a boyfriend it is your job, neigh, responsibility or duty to leave NOTHING to be found. Not by hiding it better, but by not having anything that would set her off. Women are not prizes, or conquests, or anything like that. They are queens. And if you find one that you believe to be amazing and fall for....you better fucking treat her as such. If you fall in love with a girl....and it has the potential to last...realize what women go through in marriage and such. They take our name, bear our children, I mean for fucks sake....Their fathers' "give them away" at the wedding....As if they are a possession. I don't want that shit. I want my future wife to be with me. Not mine. With me. Together. A union. A team. Yeah we will have our spats and shit, but we will always come together on our own accord, because we both want each other. I will be grateful to my wife. I will admit my wrongs, and I will give her my all. Wow this is a tangent. Anyway....yeah...I guess rant over.

King out.