P0:06
I’m really sleepy and don’t feel like writing, again.
So, today was hard and a bit sad, I felt a bit alone in class n stuff, and not sleeping with B coz his phone is broken doesn’t help. I don’t wanna develop a dependance on him and I think I still don’t have it, but I just need people, and he is the only one I have got atm.
I’m tired of having this bad days, and I’ve had really fun days lately like this Saturday when I went drinking and B hooked up w Alex who wanted w me, and I gave some really cool guy we met that day my first kiss in front of B, pretty humbling, might’ve said it before.
I just think bout him, I’m just hoping I sleep on his shoulder this Saturday while going to gr, and I wanna dance to him and kiss him this Friday on the party.
Changing topic, a usual thought I have is that most of my problems would be solved or almost solved if I were beautier or at least felt beautier. I would go out more, I would be less ashamed in general and that kinda stuff, but every morning I wake up and I remind myself I feel ugly and hate my body. I’m jealous of every slightly handsome boy I see.
Training was awful, it’s becoming really hard, intensity is same, but I feel week, sleepy and stiff. I hate summer and heat.
I’m also getting overwhelmed w school, so many projects and homework and i dont have time, i always end up at midnight and i sleep like shit.
Even with all of this, I come from having some awesome days so I’m exaggerating this negativity, but I really hate my body and having this down days every once in a while and I hope I could change those things instead of going against myself.
I’m an expert of suffering.
p0:12
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