3.1 in 2014

I got my 21 day progesterone levels back today after my second cycle of clomid. It was 3.1, almost exactly the same as last time. Which confirms what I pretty much already knew, that I still didn't ovulate even though the clomid dose was 100mg this time.

I'm ok. Yesterday when I went to have the blood taken I was in a much worse state than today. I don't know why. I just kept bursting in to tears for no reason and it wasn't even definite then. I felt like I already knew though, so I guess I was more prepared today and have already done my being upset bit. I don't know what to call it. "Grieving" sounds a bit melodramatic but thats the only word I can really think of. Its the loss of potential and hope I guess. Thats what I'm crying for. I don't know. Its such a weird and complicated process.

And now the waiting starts again. Thats the hardest part. It isn't like in 2 weeks time I will make another egg and we go again. I have to wait 2 weeks until I even get an appointment with the dr to get more drugs. On the plus side I have a course of progesterone left over that I didn't need to take last cycle, so I can start those in a couple of days so that by the time I see the dr an induced period will be about due and I won't have to wait another 10 days before I can start the clomid (I have to take the progesterone for 10 days to iduce the period which is when you start taking the clomid). I'm also (thanks to a very kind and generous donation from Lianne) getting some metformin for my next cycle which is used in clomid resistant people so fingers crossed I can at least get some ovulation going on.

Other good news is that I've been looking into the IVF options in Wales and we're (I think) entitled to 2 cycles in Wales, but they each include one frozen embryo cycle as well, so it's really like 4 "goes" at it. So that feels a little less dire than I first though. Still haven't had my referral to the hospital through yet though, I've been on the waiting list since NOVEMBER. I'm lucky I've had such an amazing GP who has prescribed me clomid. Even though this whole process has been hard and stressful, if I was just sat around doing nothing I'd have lost my mind by now.