Guilt , or why ? in Nights' Journey

So here’s another entry yet to be one of my deepest feelings I usually feel guilt with . Look we all get jealous of people or forget some people have it hard in ways we can’t imagine but not when you’re An older sibling ? I have a younger sibling in middle school and I’ll admit it’s sort of equally as stressing as I was in middle school if not slightly more . However, the kid is very much quite achieving more than I ever was and doesn’t struggle with stress or anxiety or none of it like I did and still do . I tried to achieve things that way as well and I didn’t exactly succeed to reach where they are . They achieved a very high rank and took a scholarship at a checkpoint. To be fair I never had check points but I equally stressed out to make sure I was exempted 2 years in a row from the exams and it was always a situation that was on edge specially for me cuz I can’t score the highest marks like they do and instead I can only be sure I did great enough for me to pass . I said I struggle with stress . Yea I do work under pressure but again it doesn’t bring out the best and besides I didn’t want to stress myself more by getting the first ranks or what not . I only wanted to do well and for my parents . Now I struggle with IGCSEs , and the school pressure is quite big and my mental health isn’t the best as I burnt myself out 2 years in a row for it . So imagine seeing your younger sibling being so achieving (don’t get me wrong I’m very proud of them fr except I wish to be like that ) and constantly teasing and bringing you down so you ask well end up having to bring them down . I’m just being realistic and it’s painful . I admit what I did was toxic but I can’t have them mock my struggles and hearing them they say they struggle more when it’s not even half as tough . What would you suggest I do ? I’m sure this has to be something with inner child or feeling unseen or unheard but I can’t quite put a finger on it . It just hurts to bring them down and to think like that while they do the same for equal ‘points ‘