p0:04
I didn’t remember much more bout last days. I’m still very tired both sleepy and weak.
Today was simple, imma mention the few things that happened so I can focus on my romance.
I might ask for a guitar for my day, idk I just think it’s a great idea and I’ve made absolutely sure I’d actually play it.
I have been feeling extremely sad because it feels like I’ve been wasting my time coz I don’t play instruments, don’t speak languages etc, take B for example, he’s been playing piano since he was like 8 or so and now he’s a monster for his age. It feels bad coz I didn’t. I need to be or have been productive or I feel bad coz I haven’t gotten a knowledge I urge for. Idk if I explained myself well, but it’s much of a ennea 5 thing.
I got a very small crisis today, and I wished I had B next to me to hold my hand or hug me or anything, small thought.
Nooow, the good things, the drama. So Raul texted him and B talked w him n stuff and Raus said he was very happy and B was so much of a beautiful person n stuff, and that he understood the distance and the time were a problem. They left the thing in great terms and I’m very happy for them. Just small fact I’m dropping.
Today, english class. He hit me with a finger, I hit him back on his arm and he wrote on my paper (we were writing on the paper to talk like yesterday) “that really turned me on” and I was left all kilo. The worst thing is that I also got hard atm but that’s so indecent like wth did I do to end up like this omg. He later reminded me of Saturday, when he told me “Let’s hook up” while we were boutta study physics (we didn’t), I thought he was joking, I told him “whenever you want”. No he said we didn’t hook up coz I didn’t want to. B, how do I tell you it was you who didn’t want to. Well obviously I didn’t wannabe mess anything up because B was in a weird situation w Joan and Raul but I would’ve kissed him and slept w him n stuff prolly, if he asked me to.
Anyways, I told Laura bout this and we finished discussing things left from yesterday, and she told me he might really be interested in me, but I reply too harsh or cutting and I should try to be more neutral, wait a week or so (the party the 24th would be a great day) and then (if I wanna do something w him) tryo to also drop in directs on him.
Okay, it was fast, we were boutta study history for tomorrow (obviously we didn’t but I have faith it’s P1) and we ended up doing smash or pass bout the whole class and camp n stuff. He reached me, and Sid I was actually smash, like totally serious no joke, and that if I ever wanted yk, I could. I told him he was a smash for me as well. I textually told him as well: “you know I don’t hook w people, but if I did I’d surely hook up w you”. That was a good scale in the situation.
At the end, (like 20mins ago) he ended up playing the piano through call. I felt so comfortable it’s incredible. I almost fell asleep through call. Idk, I loved it too much. I’m madly crushed by him. I also think I’m becoming more of the teenager I am.
Really wanna play the guitar goddamn.
p0:19
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