Firsts, Nexts, Thens. in A Life Uncommon

In slightly eyebrow raising news, Melinda has "returned". For those just joining, she was my very best friend for many years. She stopped talking to me when I was pregnant with Gavin, partially because she hated Jack for whatever reason, and partially because I stopped giving a fuck that she hated Jack, was largely pregnant, had 2 other kids to mind, and didn't deem the relationship worthy of my efforts when she couldn't also try.

Aside from very sporadic talks (like when Jack reached out to her when we were separated, and she asked me for gossip), we haven't spoken. She asked me for help with creating a resume last month. I did. We talk sometimes. We're going out tonight. All week I've had weird anxiety about it though, I think mostly because I am still unsure of how I feel about it all.

I had a really frightening dream about it, laying out my fears of only being able to have my friend OR jack, and never both; and also my lack of trust in her overall. So I think my stance is to proceed with caution. I am not the girl she remembers, and I must understand that she is also not the girl I remember. We're both a few years older in time and experience...God willing she's also matured.

Except for the "what do you wanna do" part - neither of us have a clue! So maybe some dinner and shopping and then who knows :) I do want to meet up with Jack tonight since MIL is keeping all the kids.

The downside? She doesn't smoke so I suppose I'll preroll and sneak away a few times? Ha.

Speaking of MIL keeping the kids, seriously this hasn't happened since Jake's wedding last year. I'm nervous, even though they are year older and I know in a much better spot to stay somewhere. Just ahhh, my babies! They are always my babies, you know?

I sliced my knuckle a few days ago, on a day filled with tests of my attention and patience. It hurt. It still hurts. Clear to the bone, but thankfully I quelled my panic and did the unthinkable - called my dad! He helped me butterfly it back together, and it looks really nice now. Jack actually laughed when he saw it the next morning, it looks incredibly superficial and not at all like I filleted my knuckle to the bone!

I'm failing at work this weekend but fuck it. It's MURICA weekend. No one cares anyway.

I need to go clean the kitchen, it's bad in there. xoxo