p0:14
I still cant get over how good yesterday was. I saw videos of myself dancing that party was the best thing of my life.
But well, continuing with thoughts.
I literally talked to like 10 people today, even if it was just 2 messages. I’m very proud of it and I’m also very proud that I took many photos of myself and a few videos too, even if they were goofy. I’m making progress on my image. I just want my face to be clearer, and I’ll ask the girls for advice in my hair. I also want to work on my abs but they don’t improve. Those are the only things I’m concerned bout my shape.
Gotta mention yesterday I was told Shade, Thao, Otto and some polytechnic people wanted to know me. That’s potentially new relationships, and I liked the idea.
New dilemma. See, Isis was kinda down at the party and I went w B, Polo, Saray and M2 to help Isis. She got bit better (she was done of the persons I took bit care of). The thing is, I don’t want her to feel bad or sad or anything but I don’t want her to talk to me everyday like we besties. I stand her, and I can talk to her from time to time but I’m scared when goes too comfy and talks too much w me and I have to tell her to stop coz I don’t like her so much. I might ask for advice on Thursday (meet w the girls) or maybe ask B if we talk on of these days.
I think I have some anxious attachment to B. I went lunch w mom’s friend and then around the city w the uncle and I was hoping B talked to me (similar feeling to when I was waiting for S to ask me hang out). I decided I’ll let time decide. If he asks me what my feeling towards him are (he knows I love him like that, when we were joking bout him hooking up w Marco he said that I looked like turned down but he ended the sentence mid talk) I’ll explain, and I’ll tell him that if I still feel like this in 3 months, then we will have a problem, but it’s fine now.
Small reflection: I’m tired of my social life feeling like a strategy game, I want to be a dumb, happy teenager w friends, not someone who has to plan what they say and do to be accepted.
We walked around city centre and I loved it. Just wanted to mention it.
I hate sleeping like this, outta home and waking up early. I also feel very anxious bout tomorrow championship. I wish this was the last, but if I do good they’ll take me to more championships w the team.
I feel very bad bout my face, and I subtly asked mom a few days ago and now I’m getting my legs done with pulsed light. That was not what I wanted at all (I’m doing it Anyways, but I could perfectly live without it) and it makes me anxious that I might have to ask her again soon. I was on the edge of punching a wall.
I’m so exhausted it’s unnatural. I wannabe sleep but I can’t. Istg if father takes me to driving lessons this week I’ll kill him.
I wannabe go to sleep but I wannabe wait for B to talk to me n stuff.
I feel we are not going more distant (the 3s),like we ain’t extremely close again but we in a good point where we still pretty good. We’ll be meeting on Thursday too.
Freak on 7 days lesgo.
I’m tired omg I wannabe go home. I wished I had B next to me in this room a lot of times, and not even in a sexual way. I feel like I’ve lost almost all my sexual drive. I’m literally three times more asexual rn than a month ago.
Oh my God B is a huge crush, and I’m very tired, and I hope this is not the begging of a downfall after this great week.
p0:31
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