p5:16
Yes, 5:16. I just had the best convo of my life. 7h call with B. But first, quick recap of the day:
As always, but also the kind of happy-sad I’ve been lately. Phys tired but it went kinda good in school. I talked a bit q some people, it felt like I was doing some small progress.
Now, what we talked bout.
It started coz we were w homework, but that wasn’t even the first 3h. So we talked bout enneagram and did a tierlist of our fav subtypes. Well, the thing is after that he told me bout his life and his character development. And I did the same.
What did I learn bout him?
He was weird as a kid and that kinda stuff (no like that, going fast coz I’m tired), but most importantly, he explained all his affective and love problems, how he had trouble w personality.
What does he know bout me?
A quick resume of all my CD, my problems and my SA. He even knows that I do have a secret diary.
Why did I tell him. I explained to him why. I used to see this oversharing stuff like weakness, but it wasn’t oversharing, I was completely okay, didn’t get carried away and talked normally. I also believe I can’t be happy by myself, so I’ll never be happy w someone. That men’s ill never be happy, but I gotta be able to be. Through this weeks of CD (I love saying character development) I learn, I gotta be more of a person. I gotta open more n stuff. I started great.
This was the biggest step I’ve done by far when talking bout socialising n stuff. We even talked to each other like King, Pretty n stuff yk. And joking around has become stable. I really love all we talkedd about, this is absolutely the best convo of my life and I loved it, almost as much as I love B.
And here comes the thing, maybe I don’t like B, or at least I hope I don’t coz I’ll explain later. I feel very comfortable around him, and I’ve accepted my weakness for him. Anyways, I can’t describe this love. I like being with him, talking to him and being like this deep w him. I also like him physically, but I haven’t felt like this before so I can’t give a comparison or a definition.
I also talked a lot bout how I forget stuff, but I think all of this was incredibly… beautiful, and I wish I could never forget it and hopefully have this kind of chat again. I almost cried various times, he is such a beautiful person.
Anyways I’m hella tired so if you just want the teenage romance shit, here’s to you:
Basic revelation, ofc, as it could only happen to me, B likes Marco. B LIKES MARCO. God dayum, I guess luck isn’t really by my side.
I also explained to him that I don’t like Marco but I also don’t hate him, but that I don’t see him as a potential friend n shi. Still, he talked about his romances w straight guys n shi, I will have to be a pro MarcoB shipper, tho it’ll hurt. Also Gisela likes him, that mf got the most W rizz I’ve seen.
Anyways, I should give up on him, he explained to me that he doesn’t want love to be a limitation n stuff. Recap, he wants to live as many people as he can, and he wants open and communicative relationships, and I’d prolly have trouble w the open thing. He also wants wedding n stuff, overall many things differ.
So, if you just stuck w the drama romance, it was kinda horrible, but I feel very realised by this day, this convo was so awesome I can’t even explain it. I think I’m really going to better in life. Showing emotions is something I gotta learn how to do, and I started with quite a big step.
Not much internal debates bout good and bad, or love or not like ve or anything.
Also hope it’s not just me at the top of the roller-coaster, I have a feeling it is but another feeling it isn’t, we’ll see anyways.
I feel great ngl, also hella in love.
Omg I gotta rest today but do 3 reports n shi n everything, but I somehow recovered my academic don’t-give-a-fuck ability. That makes me more relaxed.
Heavy urge to change my pfp from all this years, also wanna fmdo some more changes to my phys but I already talked bout that, only the pfp new, bcoz the screenshot of the 7h call reminded me.
p5:38
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