23:18
So, things fast again.
I felt more productive, tho I wasn’t that much more, but it was something, I’m improving, bit by bit. I used to be so unproductive because I saw stuff like training n reading like a task, but I’m a try to see them as a hobby, maybe that way they can recharge my energy instead of draining it. My objective is being used to always do something, it might be shocking to go from 0 to 100, but only getting used to it will let me work on 100.
Also gotta say that I felt kinda less excited to train, but I’m also gon try n train more.
Today in class, Saray was talking bout her family n shi, well the thing is that she cried (not nothing negative, just got emotional) n everyone went hug her n stuff. I was literally sitting next to her, and I was standing there like. _. Since I’ve always rejected my family, my concepts of family and paternal relationships are kinda broke. Add that to me not being too much of a friend with Saray (like I almost don’t talk to her, tho I think she kinda likes me as a classmate) and not knowing how to react when someone cries. That’s how I end up standing there looking pathetic.
S told me to go out 4 lunch Friday. It’s him, I, J, maybe J’girlfriend Olga n parrone. But you know who’s going, MARCO. I came to the conclusion that I don’t like him at all, and I just help out n w class n stuff to avoid conflict (as always). I don’t think he likes me anyways, he talks to me like he talks to a teacher with that false academic-boy tone. I talked bout this w Matro, one of the best conversation in my life. It was all coded but we understood perfectly. “My relationship with Ohio is purely economical, I just sell fuel and resources to them, but I just sell, there’s no other benefit from them, and I’m self sufficient and don’t need their money. I don’t want diplomatic relationships with Ohio, in fact, there’s some political tension because of his government’s decisions. If Ohio suddenly disappeared from the map, I wouldn’t be losing much, I’d even be more comfortable”. Ofc Ohio is Marco. What I meant was something like “I just have a classmate relationship with him, I help him w homework and we talk in class but we ain’t friends. He asks me for help and I give it to him, but if he wasn’t there or didn’t help me I would have one less person to take care bout. I don’t want to be friends with him because I actually don’t like his way of being and his mindset n personality n everything. If he suddenly disappeared (or never had gotten into class), I’d be better. “
So more or less that, I told them I was going because it is a great chance to get more” reputation w that J, I, S group n ofc Parrone n Olga are great people.
I don’t want to look nasty ass tho.
Imma try to do this kind of reflections more often.
I’m extremely tired n I’m going through cold nights.
23:34
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