I am not meant to be a caregiver. I just dont have the patience anymore. When I was first starting out after high school I was a nurses aide on an Alzheimer’s floor in a nursing home. Went to LPN school and decided that wasn’t for me and got my degree as a medical assistant to do phlebotomy.
But this. Taking care of my 80 year old father in law whose dementia is worse by the day. And when he is lucid does nothing but bitch and moan about how miserable he is or he calls old friends and relatives to say goodbye as if hes on his deathbed.
Its a fucking merry go round of emotions and Im at the end of my patience. It’s been a week.
Theres so many times when I wish we had just agreed to put him in a home. Theres so many times when I wish hed just pass peacefully in his sleep. But I can’t say these things without sounding like a complete bitch.
I have total sympathy for him. I can empathize with how he’s feeling. I know he’s going through the anger phase of all of this. I know hes scared. I understand that he’s frustrated and confused.
But good God this is harder than I expected. I love him. He’s been like a 2nd dad to me. I hate seeing him like this. It hurts my heart.
Im so tired.
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