22:46
Ok so I’m a go faster on write NG and I’m a try and talk less about this ngs that happen n more because bout thoughts
I didn’t write yesterday coz I’m hell tired. Idk if it’s cold or maybe I’m forcing myself much but this week I’m destroyed.
Things I thought yesterday:
That I forget a lot of things. Like, I might e thought bout many duff stuff and make like a year worth of knowledge and experience and then forget it all and need a whole another year to get it again. It feels horrible to forget all you think.
My looks. Goddamn I look (face and clothing) like a homeless, but in the bad sense now. I’m also forcing myself to do gym and i do even when I think I’ll not but it doesn’t work if I’m still ugly.
Everybody opens to B. Yesterday M3 had a shit day and was almost crying, guess the first person she talked to and he listened like really careful and understanding the situation n charming n stuff. Today the same. I also saw him hugging Shai, he just hugs everyone. I want his charisma.
The championships. I really don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna get up, I don’t wanna go suffer cold and I don’t want the pressure.
I keep imagining this scenario where I fight my biggest dream in the middle of school and it happens to be myself walking towards me. He pulls out a sword and completely destroys me, but I just suffer the part n and don’t die because I can’t die. Everyone is there, and I fight him over and over again until I win and let us all out. I wanna show my strength but also my sñweakness to everyone. I want to be noticed.
22:59
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