Commitment Issues. in Trust the Journey pt 2

Hi,
You know when you start the new year off with all this new commitments that you never keep.. well imagine for like probably the last years I have claimed to commit to myself and yes I have grown and changed and I forgot to really look at myself and commit to my physical self. what is soo scary about commitment why do we commit to people or friendships even work but when it comes time to commit to yourself you run the other way?.

I’m proud to announce this week has been a good eating week I have managed to track my meals and become aware of what I am putting into my body as well as I have been pretty okay with drinking my water.. all these positive changes that are to new to know if I will stick with it make me realize how half ass I committed to losing weight or getting healthy in the last too many years.. It’s been about 7yrs since I tracked and paid attention to exactly what was going into my body sure a few times i counted calories only orr I acted like I was trying.. I havent struggled and I mean I shouldn’t it’s week one. though I realize now that this journey if I can commit to it is going to change my whole life and how I see food.. ofc I will still enjoy pizza, take-out and all that I am still a person I can’t deprive myself of things that I love.

Also this week my mom has talked to someone she knows that has had breast cancer in the past and basically what it seems like is that this report will come back as if everything is good and then she will go back in 6mnths basically to see if there is growth. the problem isn’t what they found but more or less that they are in clusters. again we see the Dr tomorrow that’s when I will fully understand everything we might not have answers but I will atleast know what I am talking about in my next entry since these last couple are guessing without any real knowledge.

Now idk what to talk about because my whole idea was to talk about how I am able to be with M and commit to this relationship that we have had basically for 2.5 years now.. Yet I cannot commit to the journey of myself and getting myself eating better and working out to enjoy it. how I push that stuff to the bottom and focus on everything else. This new commitment I am making to myself I need to see it much like when M and I got back together and I said like this is really our last shot at making something work if we don’t work this time we need to walk away for good and in these 2.5 yrs I honestly have thought about walking away but for one reason or anything I stuck with it and never gave up.. I need to be like that with myself now it’s time to stick with myself through the hard times.. 2023 has to be the year i get my health in check…

lets see what happens.