...but I feel like I'm not getting any oxygen past the two ton elephant sitting on my chest.
Its not so bad during the day. At least then I have the kids, tv, books, whatever, to distract me. But at night, all I can feel is this crushing weight, this stress and worry.
I haven't slept the night through in weeks . I'm getting by on snatches, two hours here or there, because at night when I lay down, I can't shut off the litany of "what if?" What if Aaron's job testing falls through, what if I can't make my next car payment, what if, what if, what if. I'm going crazy with it.
I just want to be able to look at my babies and tell them that everything is going to be just fine, that things can only get better from here, but I can't. That, more than anything else, makes me feel like a failure right now.
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