Falling in a Heap - 30.06.14 in Your Face

I have fallen in a heap today. Quite suddenly, actually. I have been coasting along on a level of mild depression, but today it is all crashing down. I am so angry with M and the fact that I still don't know my departure date. I am embarrassed at the constant questions I get from friends and family, because I have no answers. I am disappointed in myself for not being able to find the solution to this problem. Of course, I could dump his ass and move on, but that's not what I want. But do I deserve to be treated like this? I don't think so. I concede that I am difficult, moody, bitchy and selfish from time to time, but it doesn't warrant M's actions.

I'm just so tired of this. Tired of smiling and pretending things are fine and I'm not bothered by it. I am bothered. I am wasting my life on this shit. I am the world's biggest delusional idiot.

I don't want any comments, please. This entry is for me only, and if I'm ignoring the red flags that are right in my face, a comment on here isn't going to get any attention.