p0:01
Im tired, sleepy and I’ve been down the whole week. Things that happened today: I was a NPC again. I found out this.
On lunch break, everyone was talking bout why they’d be dressing like for that carnival party the 16th I surely talked about (I think imma go for magician or witch yk). J said B, S, I and Nacho told him to do a group costume like Scooby Doo. That’s literally the group I wanted to get along with. It’s a closed group now. I’m definitely alone and I think I’ll just facetank it as always.
I also look pretty bad, my hair is in a bad phase where it’s not long enough but also not short enough so I just look homeless.
I thought bout suicide again.
B also messaged me today but it was pretty wear, a hypothesis is that he found out I was down or sum, but i believe it was just random, he forgot, or he found the answer of anything he was gonna ask me. It went:
- Hey how’s everything going
- Good, how are you doing with that cold (he’s been sick this week)
-I felt tired but I’m a bit better
+Oleole
That was it.
More: reflection on my productivity.
I used to waste a lot of time because I thought I didn’t have enough. I spent half an hour doing nothing because it “wasn’t enough time to actually do something”, that’s what I called “letting the circumstances control me”. I decided to start controlling the circumstances and take more initiative. I wanted to read or watch a film or videos bout something productive but I couldn’t because I got more problems, WiFi (my room has no phone coverture so I won’t be able to do anything till I leave, I ain’t using the common rooms) and father screaming.
It could be solved by using common rooms and ignoring father, but my anxiety and my avoidance for family interaction doesn’t allow me. Either I get over that or I’ll keep wasting my time one more long year.
I felt like crying and harming myself today. No. 6 is playing ofc. The alarms keep not working and I start the day in the worst way possible by seeing father. At least I ended my homework due today, but I have monograph and assessments that I haven’t even thought about.
I can’t do this.
I’m tired and I feel agly and alone.
I didn’t have breakfast, luck break food, afternoon food or dinner today, just sugar to stay alive.
p0:15
Loading comments...