p0:15
Bit tired, specially mentally from the lotta homework.
Days do pass by really fast, but time is not flying so hard. It felt like ages since we started 2nd term, but it’s only been one week.
I had a small thought bout B, he came on lunch time coz he was sick. He hugged everyone n stuff, he talked to almost all the class n stuff. I thought he is a very “demanded person”, what I mean is everyone wants to spend time with him, he is extremely sociable. He wants to be with all his friends around and his friends want him around too, he’s the key piece in many friend groups. If you put together the fact that I’m not too physical (like physical affection), I’m kinda asocial and sad and sometimes harsh, it makes the perfect mix for him not being too close with me.
What I specially hated today was that Marco is extremely close with him, they sit together in Chem with S. I definetely lost, they are a closed friend group now. And I’m alone again.
N noticed it today in chem, he said I’ve been quieter and more sad since we came back from Xmas break (it is true, I feel bad and alone). I joked about it, told him he doesn’t need to be a psychologist n stuff, he said I can talk to them (tech class) if I need and laughed n stuff and the convo ended there.
B said the same to me bout talking to him if I need like 2 or 3 months ago,ofc I never did talk to him.
I feel very alone.
I can’t do it.
I thought about suicide today again, it had been a very long time since the last time. I wasn’t so serious but it crossed my mind and that’s already bad.
p0:23
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