23:09
Not listening to anything, had a huge down day, chrono crisis when I remember B has become a year older and it’s literally been 3/4 years since 2019.
Forgot to say yesterday, I saw B playing piano at his house at his birthday. What a huge crush I’ve got on him it’s impossible.
Also gotta say today I feel very neurotic lately. I felt like a bad person but I also felt like B is a bad person n stuff, just neuroticism in general.
Gr was boring af, and I felt autistic just not talking and doing nothing but looking at the air. B was there and was talking w everybody, that also reminded me of the xtreme social difference between us. He lives I the street, always hanging out with his thousand friends while in my case, the usual thing is staying home alone (I felt extremely alone today, I had a really depressive day) and only going out on some days.
At home, I did nothing but playing and feeling bad.
Just for the sake of it and to hopefully make this situation change, I’m a do a spell today, I’ll refer to it as “how to make your loved one fall in love with someone else”. Explained on the spells book.
I also feel physically incapable and overall very weak.
My head still hurts and I feel ugly.
23:15
p0:18
After I finished the ritual, (I couldn’t cut myself, I was shaking, I ended up scratching a costra for the blood) I herd mom saying it smelt like burnt. I started going into complete silence. I wished I had no parents. I’ll just tell her tomorrow that I burnt a paper for good luck since I have a small bit of paper left (tho what it said before is unreadable). I literally hate this, now I have to sleep disturbed and clean up all the dust and ash that was left. I still wish I either had no parents or my parents didn’t get into my rituals. Mom will believe I was hurting myself or even smoking and I don’t want that.
This is a bad omen, I expect bad things to happen now. That must men the spell worked. But now I’m in trouble. The fucking wind is making the smell stay in my room.
p0:23
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