so this entry will probably be shit. I need practice on expressing my feelings and thoughts and writing them down. Im in a space of confusion.. stuck between my heart & my head. I also feel like anyone who reads this, IF anybody ever does, will just tell me the OBVIOUS that I should leave him. I know that. It’s harder than that. There’s little areas that some people need guidance and support with when being in a long term toxic/love relationship. It’s not as easy as just asking them to leave or leaving them.
There are DAILY things that bother me with my partner. From ways he is with me. From ways he is with his sons. I feel as though he doesn’t spend a lot of quality time with our kids. I feel like he’s disconnected. That he doesn’t love them like I do. I want him to be best friends with our sons bc I know that they would thrive off of that. Talk with them more.. play with them more.. all of it. I asked for him to help our son find pants while I was washing the dishes today and he said no. Because we had had a disagreement prior. He’s different to the kids if he’s in a bad mood. They still love him of course.. but He slammed the door while going into the bathroom after I gave him shit for not helping get him pants. That scared the kids. There is so much I could share about him and I’m realizing as I want to write…. That’s it all sounds really bad written down… I don’t want to share it… I’m embarrassed that I’ve allowed it. That I’m even asking for advice? with the obvious answers. I ask my spirit guides to tell me but I need to tell ME. Nobody needs to tell me.
& I also forgot to mention, I am pregnant with a 3rd child. Very early on. Like just found out.. So that complicates things. Idk what to do. Stressed and stuck.
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