It’s Christmas again holy shit! Little bit tipsy right now but this should be coherent enough. Last week I put down a security deposit on my first apartment! No idea how I’m gonna afford everything but I crunched some numbers and I will be able to get by. I’m really excited but also stressed. I’ve lived on campus before and moving was stressful enough- forget moving EVERYTHING like a bed and mattress and all that shit. Need to figure out buying a bunch of stuff too like TV, couch, I need a new dresser, my desk is too big to fit there… Ahhh too much! But like I have more than a month to figure it all out which is helpful.
Also taking 2 winter courses right now so that my life will be easier next year when I’m a senior. But like, the classes suck and it’s a ton of work since it’s a full semester of work crammed into 1 month.
I’ve started dating this guy, it’s not official yet but we’ve gone on a few dates. Part of me is wondering if I’m ready since I got out of a very long (and toxic) relationship a few months ago. I didn’t expect it to be super serious, but I like this guy! I’m kinda just taking it day by day (or date by date?) but I like him. He has goals and seems to have a good sense of direction in life. It’s scary to let someone new in. I have a complex past and as much as I hate to admit it, it does affect the person I am today. Soon I’m gonna give him the rundown. I believe in full disclosure and not wasting people’s time. I’d rather be up front and honest now than wait too long and get hurt. I talked it over with my therapist and she’s pretty awesome so cool it’s a plan!
Tonight I had a glass of white wine and killed off a splash of champagne leftover from mimosas. Then I had a shot of bourbon. Not sure if I’m supposed to take shots of bourbon, but it’s working???
This weekend I ate a lot. It’s Christmas so I guess fair enough. I’ll need to get back on track this week though. It’s all so confusing with food. I’m a responsible bitch with an eating disorder. Won’t let it get in the way of the major things that matter. But also will let it affect my quality of life but only to the minimum. Not low enough to start having major health problems or anything at least.
As the new year approaches it actually feels like I’m entering a new chapter of my life. I’ll be moving out soon. In 2023 I’ll finish my coursework before student teaching. I’m starting to finally live like I’m young, but also keeping up with my responsibilities and all. There’s a lot of uncertainty with this period of my life but I’m excited, looking forward to this year. I went and saw a psychic somewhat recently and she said that this year is going to be one of the ‘free-est’ of my life. I would hope so!
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