Healthier diets, cancer screenings and the vicissitudes of getting older in Daydreaming on the Porch

I will probably steam some broccoli tonight and open a can of tuna. Plus, some leftover canned stewed okra and tomatoes and a slice of 100 percent whole wheat bread with raspberry jam. For dessert, half a blueberry scone heated in the micro and served with butter and maybe some pumpkin spice butter. Then, of course, the obligatory little piece of dark chocolate. UNLESS I ditch that menu and scurry over to Chipotle for a delicious chicken burrito!

My sister and brother both gave me stern lectures about my diet after my second colonoscopy in two months. Four polyps total were removed, one relatively large and, shall we say, harder to remove and more worrisome, although the doctor did not tell me much or indicate any special concern. The polyp was benign, but this still was not so good an outcome, and is probably what I get for waiting two years past the time I was due for the procedure, which I dread. Five years instead of three.

But the alternative is, of course, much worse. So I likely had a close call, and shouldn’t have delayed so long, but Covid and quarantines popped up at the same time I was due for the procedure, and also it was during the last few months my mother was alive, and as her full-time caregiver, I was intensely focused on her well being and not much else.

My siblings are both excellent cooks, and ANY processed food of ANY kind is anathema to them, They wince when I regale them with excited tales of my latest frozen dinner finds — no preservatives, I tell them, but it matters not.

As a concession to my sister, I bought two fresh, uncooked sweet potatoes to microwave, plus a container of greens for salads, as well as a couple of fresh pears, not the canned kind, which I don’t buy often, but which are really good if you drain all the sugary water or juice out of the can first.

They even frown on plant-based burgers. Can you imagine? But it’s absolutely no use arguing with them. They are purists about fresh ingredients, but I absolutely, unequivocally, abhor cooking and spending any more time in the kitchen than is minimally necessary.

The other day I was in the grocery store, and as is my wont was quickly scanning covers of outrageously priced magazines when I spotted one titled, something to the effect of, “Quick and Easy Plant-Based Meals.” Eureka!! That’s just what I need!

Then I flipped through the magazine and within five seconds was overwhelmed by the photos of delicious, enticing dishes, but with an unfathomable mix of familiar and exotic ingredients that would require some very serious, onerous grocery shopping over days to acquire even half of what was called for in those tempting colorful meals, glaring smugly at me from the confines of their fantasy magazine homes.

“Quick and easy?” HA! That has got to be one of the biggest cons of a magazine title that I have ever seen. No thank you.

Then I told my brother how there might be a nice vegan restaurant near me, and that I could get take out several days a week from there, freeing me from the need to cook or even microwave anything at home. One restaurant take-out meal would last two nights. Voila! Problem solved.

My brother just laughed. “Yeah, yeah, in two weeks time you will be so sick of that routine you’ll be begging for frozen dinners again.”

Okay, maybe he’s right, but I can at least give it a try.

Moral of the story: Please get regular colonoscopies when the doctor says to, and eat healthy, fresh food and whole grains when you can and avoid the too-frequent weekly, gooey cinnamon rolls from the grocery deli and those little container cups of mixed fruit, even if they are actually fruit. Eat only fresh fruit, I am told.

One final note: This entire diatribe was set in motion when I read that a friend was getting ready to cook some carrots and broccoli. This facilitated a cascade of Proustian memories and associations, which I had to turn into a whimsical personal essay to quell some of my guilt about the way I eat and to take the edge off such serious topics as diet, mortality and sibling differences.

Not to mention that this is all a natural part of aging, right?

Last updated December 18, 2022