So, I have gone 59 days without watching videos of P. I have looked at photos of naked women and men plus some of penetration. Does that count? What do you define as P? I feel better for not obessisively scouring the web for naughty images and viewing trans, gay, abusive, humiliation, chastity, cuck*ld P that got progressivley harder and weirder until there was nothing left to watch that wasn't illegal. I mean I used to surf the web almost continuously to look at naughty celebrity or P images even at work or on my cellphone with my wife in the same room. Then when I couldn't take it anymore I'd disappear to the toilet either at work or home with my cellphone in one hand and my dick in the other for a P M O session. I'd emerge anything from 30 seconds to 20-30 minutes later having had a release but feeling like crap.
I know technically I have viewed images of P over the past 59 days, but compared to how much I was viewing it is a massive improvement. Now it's maybe once or twice a day for a minute or two at tops. I used to do it for hours at a time at hard stuff, the stuff over the past 59 days has been mainly tame. so, I still fell bad for being weak and peaking at stuff but it is an improvment and hopefully it doesn't harm my reboot too much.
I long to be able to make love to my wife again. To look in to her eyes and have a deep connection. It has been over a year since we last did it, and the 2 years previous to that it was sketchy at best, sometimes it would work others limp as a piece of cooked spaghetti. I am still in the dead dick phase of the reboot and not sure what is my real libido or whether it's still my addiction to PMO. I'm hoping I will know the difference when my real libido returns, people on the forum say they feel great, full of life, confident and can feel the testosterone. I remember feeling like that when I was young, I don't expect to feel as virile as I did back then as I'm middle aged now. But I'm hoping I feel a significant improvement in well being and s*xual health and vigour.
I've gone from hyper-stimulation of P, to none at all causing me to flatline and I'm waiting for my body and mind to recover to be able to react naturally to natural stimulation. I've also become accustomed to my own grip and stroke so will have to get used to somebody elses touch, so to an extent even less physical stimulation. I've been getting regular morning wood but that disappears shortly after waking so i know it still works mechanically.
She doesn't know I'm doing this but as there has been no intimacy for over a year between us she's used to no action. She doesn't know about my problem with P, well nowhere near to the extent it got. I know this is for the best but it is still hard (no pun intended).
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